why boysithurts: hey all,
6 month poster on the sister site ojaroo, i'm 39 my stbxw of close to ten years will be 34 in a couple days. it will be 2 difficult to post my story here as well, so i won't, & it really is less important than the here & now. but some details need to be stated. i essentially was forced to move out of my home, i've been at my parents for close to 6 months while she remains with my 2 boys, (little one is just past 3 yrs old, the older one will turn seven on sunday) all expenses paid,. it is a classic tale of the greener grass, butterflys & $$$$$. 6 months of complete sadness, no sleep, false hope, denial, body pain 24/7. 1 month now anger has joined the symptoms.she has played all her cards right. we mediated, while i witnessed her shed tears every session. "i just want to know that the boys will be taken care of, i can take care of myself"well that is now quite obvious as she hid from me the OM, and the accelerated pace at wich she already introduced him & his whole family to my children. he is, was, a player , a lifelong bachelor, who is actually kinda creepy as i've heard some disturbing tales of his past. but he has deep pockets and that is the lure to her.
my home is for sale, (not selling anytime soon & it really isn't my home any more). i have chosen a place i will call home for me & my 2 boys that is close to their schools, but very different from what they have now. its important for them to have a happy daddy, & to be surrounded by happy familys was an option that i just couldn't stomach.
i hate her i think ??? i guess to be more precise i hate what is happening. she can take my home, my material possesions, her love, but she has taken what hurts the most now, my boys from me. the gaps, they will NEVER become routine. i miss them, every second i don't have them, i miss them. i wan't them more. they were assesed by a child pychologist recently and they are perfectly normal., don't really know what normal is these days. but the simple truth is they miss their dad when they are with their mom & they miss their mom when they are with their dad. i'm a great dad, a good person, my soul is a kind one. i believe without a doubt or hesitation that these boys are just as well, probably better off with me. i have to work 3 times as hard just to have them, but it is worth everthing to be with them, & i am truly with them, the cooker the cleaner the daddy while my stbx has her new life, goes out all the time, she knows this guy will provide for her, she knows she will have a large cushion from the sale of our home, and of course she expects me to pay for everything associated with these children. i have loved and lost before but i never spoke to them for decades. these daily emails or drop offs are still gutwrenching. my stbx i think is beautifull always have, should of could wouldhave told her this but that is the past. sorry to ramble feel like i'm on ojaroo & BTW very beautiful pple there...
so why is it that i have to ask, demand, fight for my kids, & why is it hers to choose, to give, to decide, .. i want them more, i brought them into this world too. they need me, i need them they are my best friends
http://tinypic.com/10h7y2t.jpg
http://tinypic.com/10h7tix.jpg
http://tinypic.com/10h7l15.jpg
Re: why Bird: while i don't have kids, i really feel for you. your kids are beautiful and they look really happy, so you must be doing everything right! don't doubt yourself.
and rambling is good for you...clears your head of the clutter- sometimes, but not all the time.
Re: why Chey: You have a very beautiful pair of boys :) Definetly something to be proud of, and a great gift out of a horrible tragedy.
Never give up fighting for the right to be their Dad, and make the moments with you special ones. Life has to move forward for you as a man, so that you're the best father you can be.
You owe yourself that now.
Re: why Bird: Hey, I just thought of this..i was reading a post earlier by a guy named maximus...he's got the same probs with his xtb...i'll check for the post and see if i can dig it up..
Re: why sneaker: Hey buddy!
Remember me? I'm sorry you had to come here.
By posting the pics it's obvious you're a proud father and a good one I'm sure. I don't know if she has full custody of the boys and often you can have them with you. But for from what you're saying they seem fine and have adjusted to the situation. That's the most important thing. And if they are, then you have to take care of yourself.
I'm gonna tell you what everybody keep telling me (and I know they're right) No matter what happens, you have to learn to live without her. Ain't easy I know. First, find a way to get some sleep. Being to tired desn't help at all. As for the false hope, what I've started to do is ride the wave when she makes me feel better and use that high to do stuff on my own (tonight is a perfect example - she called me, felt a little better and went shopping - yesterday stayed home feeling miserable). Otherwise you're just standing still, waiting for nothing.
[quote author=boysithurts link=topic=31028.msg309093#msg309093 date=1151975354">
i want them more, i brought them into this world too. they need me, i need them they are my best friends
[/quote">
Did you always feel that way or could it be amplified by the situation?
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