Re: why boysithurts: hey sneak,
sure do. feel you in my hood.,
no she doesn't have full custody, i have them about 40% of the time. still just not enough. and yes it may be amplified but i've always been that way. marriage is tough, kids make it tougher, think i gave them too much of my attention, & let lots of little things add up,should been a balance, should have seen the warning signs.
chey thanx for the support & bird i think it was a post of mine on maximus site my story that is familiar but appreciate your thoughts
Re: why sneaker: There's always a lot of should, could would have once it's over. But don't blame yourself, you're right: there should be a balance and it takes two to do that.
Hey, I'm up for that beer you talked about if you need to let some steam out... (yeah, I finally went out saturday and had a few. Felt a little guilty so I just ran 2 more km sunday morning.)
Re: why ATLfoodie: I feel your pain. Went throught he same thing with my first wife. We separated and while apart she dated someone and got pregnant. I miss my two kids also. My current wife whom I just separated from is a wonderful stepmother and my kids absolutely adore her. That makes the separation even that much more difficult.
Re: why Feel: I don't know what happened and why she did this... You are a classy man to still speak of her as a beautiful woman, so I can really only say this,
Put guidlines where the OM is cncerned and ask her to give them to you when she needs to go out, also try to get more set days through your lawyer, maybe this will also help with your childsupport ans if you do give her spousal support, prove the OM is a willing participant in her life and that should knock off the spousal support, if I am not mistaken!
I am truly sorry for your loss!
Also, make a routine with your boys, have them help you with the cooking and cleaning, play with them but more unmaterialisticly, they will feel your love more, they may even just want to hang with you... do as much as you can to make them enjoy you and always remind them that you did love their mother!
I hope this helps!
Re: why boysithurts: Hi Feel,
thanx for the response, it helps, this place helps.
what kind of guidelines can i impose. any agreement we sign states simply that she cannot cohabit in the former common domicile during the interim period. as far as the giving them to me when she goes out. she would never do it. she has a support system in place, her mom comes at a moments notice, she has unbelievably still a full time nanny that i still pay for. i am trying to get more set days, i have them every other week from wed after school till sunday evening. i am pushing to return them to school/daycamp/daycare monday morning. that opens the doors to long weekends. i have then 50% of holidays,
and every other week wed overnight to thurs. morning. i've had to push for every bit of time with them as she was advised early on not to worry, they are 2 small children he will have them every other weekend max.
as far as spousal support she has left that out on purpose. she may use it if we do go to court, but she knows she is has the ability, schooling to work & she does have a small catering business that she could easily ramp up if needed. but she will not, it would appear she will not have to as word on the street is that she & the OM are already looking for a place to move in together, think that bodes well for "willing participant"
all that being said, the boys will be active in everything related to there new home with their dad. they will have to share a room with eachother, but i did that with my bro. i think it will be special for them.
i know in my heart i am not replaceable, just curdles my stomach to know that this OM spends time with my boys playing in what was once my home. what was the rush, why the need to involve him so soon? she feels she is perfectly justified in doing so, "ie. all her friends say your seperated you have a new boyfriend, these children are loved from all sides."
a classy woman would've taken some time and enjoyed her freedom, her kids, gone on dates, whatnot. she never was going to go that path.
it hurts, & i do feel a great loss, but i'm better, not frozen like i was 6 months ago. baby steps for me, leaps & bounds for the stbxw. 2 innocent wonderfull well integrated happy boys that didn't see this coming.
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