Re: Is it right to live your life for your kids? snkpack: I agree with Rainking. Your kids should be a priority, but you need to grab moments for yourself as well. It makes you a better mother to spend time away from them too.
Re: Is it right to live your life for your kids? Maximus: My children are y #1 priority. Always have been and always will. I havent seen them since January as I have been working oerseas, but before then, only saw them for 2 weeks every four months. When I went home last month to sign the divorce papers, I was unable to see them as my daughter was `conveniently' at summer camp for the whole month that I was home, and my son was too young and doesnt remember me. My X wouldnt let me come over and see him. She put a restraining order on me even though I hadnt seen her since January, and she had no reason to do so. I have never once given her a reason to do that.......so I guess she just didnt want me to see her with her new boyfriend or whatever. Only today after telling her I was about to return home from Iraq to get a lawyer just to hear from the children did she tell me that she would allow the kids to email and call me, but only on my scheduled visitation days. Its better than nothing for now.
I haven't updated it yet, but you can check out my blog at
http://stilladad.blogspot.com
Im a divorced parent, but first and foremost - i'm a dad. I am starting to save a bit of money again after the ex spent 2 years of my life and $200,000 of my hard earned cash. I'll be home for good in December, to be with my kids for good, and never to leave them for such an extended period of time again.
My answer to your question:
I think that you should be there for your kids, but go out for a few hours maybe twice a week to socialize with your friends - and possibly do this on the days that your X has visitation with them.
Everything in moderation.
Hope it helped.
Re: Is it right to live your life for your kids? Dana: You all make me feel so much better. I think I was punishing myself because I thought my kids got the crappy end of the stick. I realize now that they will have a better life even though it's hard and I can't punish myself because it only ends up hurting them too. I think some "me" time would be nice. Don't think I want to go bar hopping any time soon but a manicure and some tanning sessions would be nice. Have done either of those in a long time.
Re: Is it right to live your life for your kids? WhiskeyGirl: I strongly recommend the book Woman first, Family always. By Kathryn Sansone……its excellent. This woman has 10 children, a career, a husband and has some very good insight into how important it is to balance being an individual, a woman, a mother , and a wife…..and not lose yourself in any one role.
Your kids come first, of course......but don't let being a mother swallow you whole. Your kids are going to grow up, and move on with their own lives......where would that leave you if you have given up every facet of who you are, as an individual, to just be "mom".
Absolutely take time for you.....what are your passions? hobbies? interests? Go tanning, get a manicure, pamper yourself.....you'll feel more positive about everything and we are better at everything we do, including parenting, when we have a positive outlook towards life :)
My 2 cents :)
Re: Is it right to live your life for your kids? Annie: Dana,
Do what makes you comfortable. If you don't want dating right now-take your time. Make kids a priority. Make it interesting for them- take them to a park, drive down to a lake, go hiking, etc. They will remember it and appreciate it. They are going through hard times, too.
Don't rush yourself into a new relationship. Wait until you are healed and ready. But a night out with friends or a day at a spa will only do you good. Now, if you start hanging out in a bar every night neglecting the kids-that's a different story.
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