Re: Grounds....???? snkpack: Woah. Chill pills all around. Yes I think you will regret it if you don't file with your grounds.
Re: Grounds....???? Annie: Giver,
Don't use the same attorney. So here's your husband's thinking: He's tired of you, he's out, he just tosts you and the girl aside and moves on with his happy life. Uh... NO?
How about this, you get your attorney, you get as much child support of him as you can, you make him pay health insurance, etc etc. From what I know, whoever files first, has an upper hand. Yes, you don't want a messy divorse, you don't want your child go through this. But it's already happening, don't let him just walk away from his responsibilities.
Why don't you file either abandonment, or even better, cruel and inhuman treatment. Get a diary and log what he's done to you or refused to do. Get some strong evidence and your own lawyer.
I'm sorry, but with the way things are, you need to keep emotions aside and calculate what's best for your daughter's future. That includes having enough money to support her.
Re: Grounds....???? 2be: I thought this thread was about coffee.
Ahem.
It sounds to me like he's trying to cover up his marital screw-ups because he knows he can get taken to the cleaners should you so choose. I'm sorry your daughter is so hurt and wants mom and dad to stay together. That truly tears my heart out... but you have to take care of yourself.
I know it is more expensive and the thought of lawyer-based arguing is not a pleasant thing, but he sounds like he is trying to squeak by you. Stand up and do what you think is right for you and your daughter.
Re: Grounds....???? chaotic: This also depends on the state you live in. In my case, it would have made no difference if she was faithful or cheated during the entire marriage. Cant even bring it up if it goes to court.
I agree though, get your own lawyer! Dont let his lawyer handle both....Not even sure they can.
Re: Grounds....???? ctrlaltdelete: [quote author=giver link=topic=31091.msg309712#msg309712 date=1152117556">
So my husband called and said he had the money for the divorce and he wants me to call and set up the appointment. He says we can use the same attorney, agree on everything, and get this over with and if his feelings change before everything is final then we'll go from there. Here's my dilema.....my daughter (9 years old) has asked me not to file). She says she doesn't want me to ever give up....and part of me feels the same. on the other hand, he's gonna file with irreconsilable differences. THIS IS NOT TRUE. It's more like marital misconduct on his part. SO...can I get some input from those of you who have filed and are through with this process. What grounds did you file on....did you file or did they....were you sorry you didn't push for something different? Any advice is appreaciated.
[/quote">
1. Check with the lawyer about using the same one for both parties, as it can be seen as a conflict of interest. My lawyer refused to work for "both sides" so I think it's up to the individual lawyer. My ex was okay with that since we settled everything up front.
2. Of course your daughter is going to ask you not to file, but this is not her marriage, it is yours. This is where you have to gently remind her that this is an issue between you and her father and reassure her that no matter what happens, you will both continue to love her and will not leave her.
3. My X cheated on me, but I filed under irreconcilable differences because the divorce papers are a matter of public record and I didn't want the kids to know what a creep their Dad was (is) if they should look it up in the future. They ended up finding out anyway, but it's just the way I wanted to do things. Besides, it doesn't matter, in the eyes of most courts, if there was infidelity. It's frustrating as heck, because you want them to look like the jerk they are but it has no bearing on the outcome of the divorce in most states. Technically, "Irreconcilable Differences" wasn't that far off the mark. I believed he should have stayed faithful and he did not. I guess we never reconciled that difference... ???
4. I have no regrets with the way the divorce was handled. Here's a good piece of advice, though. Keep thorough records (and receipts) of what you pay out to the divorce lawyer because some states allow you to deduct these fees from your taxes. For me it was a nice $3,800 deduction that he did not get.
Click More for the next page.
