Re: New Kid Who's Dying Inside jrios29: You guys are awesome! Thank you so much for your support. I read in the replies some people think I am delaying the inevitable, and that I am making her "jump through hoops" for nothing. I have to wait 18 months in NJ to file no fault divorce ( I don't want to embarass her by filing adultry, and I can't file adultry, because in NJ there has to be Male penetration, which there was none.) So I must wait until sept 07 to file. I have made it very clear to her that she's been given a very small benefit of a very, VERY big doubt. I have made it clear to her that I can'tr guarentee anything. I have felt guilty about that, and talked to my family about it. They explained to me that even though we don't reconcile, if there is a slight chance of changing her actions, such as taking care of her family, it will benefit her and our babies. I do feel where some of you are coming from. The last thing I want is for her to have false hope, which I have told her. Even though she hurt me, I do not want to hurt her anymore than she is already hurt. I know losing me is killing her, because losing her is killing me. Again thank you for all the advice and support! Keep it coming! ;D
Re: New Kid Who's Dying Inside tara: Are you sure N.J. doesn't allow same-sex (female) acts to count? I found this:
http://www.njlawnet.com/njlawreview/divorceoverview.html#4
Adultery
The courts have held that "adultery exists when one spouse rejects the other by entering into a personal intimate relationship with any other person, irrespective of the specific sexual acts performed; the rejection of the spouse coupled with out-of-marriage intimacy constitutes adultery." New Jersey Court Rule 5:4-2 requires that the plaintiff in an adultery divorce case, state the name of the person with whom the offending conduct was committed. This person is known as the correspondent. If the name is not known, the person who files must give as much information as possible tending to describe the adulterer.
Problem is, it seems in NJ if *you* try to date during those 18 months, even on month 17, she can turn around and get you for adultery. You also have to live separately (not just in separate rooms in the same house).
Gah, fault states annoy me.
Re: New Kid Who's Dying Inside jrios29: Tell me about it!!!!! Another problem is that I must have proof of the infidelitey, ad must ID the person as the adulter, and she has no idea who this person is!!!
To be honest, I don't want to humiliate her in court and have her admit what she did. I know and she knows.
I also have set up "residence" some place else. As long as I am able to show that I can file no fault.
Thank you and much love to you Tara for the help!
Re: New Kid Who's Dying Inside tara: You're welcome. And I do understand why you wouldn't want to go through an adultery trial -- it would be hard on both of you, and if it ever got back to your kids...
I like Wisconsin's model -- no fault. Ever. Infidelity only gets mentioned in court if there was a financial loss (i.e. a lavish gift for or travel to the OM/OW) that the wronged spouse wants to recoup.
Four month waiting period between filing and court date, which can be waived in a dire emergency, and you can live together or apart the whole time if you want, but you're free to live your life as a single person.
Yeah, it means that there won't be "moral" victories in the financial settlement or custody (you won't be able to punish your spouse in the divorce for his/her misdeeds during the marriage), but it also means we don't have to trot out everything our spouse ever did wrong, or hire private detectives to prove something 15 months into a mandatory separation.
