Re: Being tempted by an ex jerseygirl: Thanks everybody for your responses. There is more to this story....
I saw Jeff last night and I don't feel good about it -- I feel very guilty even though NOTHING happened. We just talked about things and I could tell he wanted to kiss me but I stopped him and said that I don't cheat and by me even seeing him I feel deceitful so I am not going to cross that line with him while still with Mike. He respected that and backed off.
My problem - the sparks were still there -- BIG TIME. The things Jeff said and the way he was acting towards me were exactly the things I am missing from Mike. I already told Mike that we need to talk tonight - we are in a rountine, a rut, and I don't want to ruin our future by finding what I need from him from someone else, especially an ex.
So after last night I decided that the grass probably isn't greener on the other side, that the sparks and excitement of Jeff will wear off eventually (as they did with Mike), and IF things with Mike don't work out & we break up, it isn't going to be because I cheated -- it'll be because I am not getting what I need from the relationship and we decide to part ways.
I have feelings for 2 guys. Why is everything so confusing?
Re: Being tempted by an ex whythisnow: JG,
Everything is so confusing because you are comparing apples to oranges.
I think you like the attention from Jeff because of either of the following:
1) Your bored as he11 with Mike. ( maybe because you know you have him)
OR
2) Deep down inside your scared to death about another marriage and you are trying to sabatoge the relationship.
It's a slippery slope seeing an Ex BF when your no 100% happy with Mike. A few drinks and old Jeff could have pulled some magic trick on you.
I think you really need to find out what is up in your mind about Mike. If your like this while dating slow the show down. Your young and have plenty of time to find out what you really want.
FIDO
Re: Being tempted by an ex spooky: If you really love the guy, try and create some new sparks. It's an easy idea I at least hope you've realized, but it's tough to initiate. Sacrificing a "could it still be good and last forever" for a "could it be good again after it didn't last the first time" seems too risky to me. I vote just try and get some excitement and give the current "real" relationship some more time. Hope that helps...
Re: Being tempted by an ex 2be: ALL relationships eventually do this... it is natural. No relationship can keep the bonfire blazing for all time when we're forced into routines and schedules and kids and stress and family and and jobs and car repairs, etc. Where a lot of people make their mistake (my Xwife was one) was they think that once that SPARK or burnign flame begins to lessen, they think "something is wrong!" when it's not... it is a natrual progression of relationships.
You become more comfortable with your partner. That is a GREAT thing, but it CAN be very bad if you become lazy. In order to have the comfort AND a bit of spark, the two people need to throw excitement into the mix.
I know of one married couple... married for a good number of years now... who once a week decide to meet at a bar/restaurant/whatever and pretend they don't know each other. They actually have to "pick up" one another, and they play different "characters." While this may seem weird, it keeps that excitement alive. Let me tell you too... that the husband isn't always lucky and he sometimes goes home "alone" because he wasn't successful at picking up his own wife. :D
You two just need to do some more stuff together and have fun... break out of that routine!
Re: Being tempted by an ex icwtsmnl: thats a great idea!!! funny and creative. i wonder what things are like after they get home on the nights that he is "unsuccessful".
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