Re: fell down again giver: Honey, I know what you mean by holding things in. I would have done anything to keep him from getting mad. In the end he'd get mad if I said I had a headache. he'd say, somehtings always wrong with you. So I learned to keep my thoughts to myself. Now what type of relationship is that? We should want to spend the rest of our lives with someone we can share everything with. Someone that cares as much about how we feel as they do about their own feelings. That's what partners are about. Think about tag team wrestling partners.....we're the ones in the ring and they're on the outside....we;re slapping for they're hand for some help but they don't care...they're too busy worrying about themselves to help us at all and we end up beat to a pulp. All becasue they're to self absorbed to reach out just a little and let us tag up. That's not a partner.
I too know what you mean by I can't help loving him. I too love my husband. More than anything in this world besides my daughter. He's all I've know since I was 18 years old and for me, forever meant forever. But now I have to question what it is I'm holding on to...is it him or the institute of marriage and all it represents. And if it's just the marriage, then what am I gonna miss out on if I don't learn to let him go. Maybe the one I'm supposed to have!!!!
Re: fell down again hr: lilly you are right, you did not offend me. I have been there too many times, it just hurts right now. I am confused, because I don't feel the same towards him now. I don't feel it like I did. I look at him and know that I love him, but I think I lost that loving feeling. Maybe I lost respect for him. This has been the longest week since my seperation. I feel drained. I know that is the sign I need. I am better without him. I am sure I don't want to do this again, but I need to find my strength again. The no contact that I had the first two months were what I needed. The only contact we really had was him calling me and me making it brief. I cried and posted after I got off the phone with him. I lost my temper with him a couple times, but it was bearable. I don't want to live my life second best. He has his good traits, but his bad ones outweigh the good ones. Thank you guys for the support. I think we all know deep down the right thing, but it is the hardest way.
Re: fell down again giver: HR....you are right...IT IS THE HARDEST WAY.
BUT lucky for us we have found OJAR this time around....
And we'll do this together....deal?????
I know I need all the help I can get.....
Re: fell down again hr: Giver you have a deal. I feel so much better now. I have a hard time expressing my feelings, and everyone here is supportive and having similar issues. It is very comforting. Thank you.
Re: fell down again SayAnything...again: hi HR...
"i hold things in instead of telling him what's bothering me. he keeps pointing that out but when i share he gets pissed off. if i am mad and i know it will pass, i would rather not have him pissed off."
that's EXACTLY how i'm living in my marriage right now. could've been me writing that!
i can't type the whole thing out, because my husband will be home soon, and he has no idea about ojar, but go back and read my posts (i also used to be under the name SayAnything89) if you have time.
my hope is that you'll stay STRONG! i have caved in to my husband soooo many times, believing his false promises and crocodile tears. it lasts for a couple weeks after he talks me back, but then the nightmare starts all over again. 11 years and many "cycles" later, here i sit in exactly the same position...alone, suffering, and unable to speak my feelings in my own home...but so beat down and guilt-ridden to get up off my a$$ and DO SOMETHING!
like "giver" said...i have a constant ache that never goes away.
take care (hugs)
SayAnything...again
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