Re: fell down again confused101: Don't just stay strong. These guys have led you on, lied, cheated, and emotionally abused you. You live each day feeling like crap because of the way they have treated you, and because they don't have the cajones to step up to the plate and lead a family like a real man. You don't deserve this kind of treatment. Yet you keep bringing it back into your life. You don't want the flu to come back when it leaves? Why do you let the emotional flu come back?
We get what we accept in our lives. If we accept people to treat us like doormats...that's what we get. We shouldn't cry about it. If we choose to love people with defective emotional balance, then we should expect to be drug through the mud. I've made these choices and have gone through hell for it...pretty much because I didn't have the balls to let go of someone who was doing me harm. I don't care how long I have been with someone, what they have said etc etc. Actions speak volumes, and if they can't keep up their end of the relationship I say f*ck them. I deserve better.
So if you let crap back in your life, crap is what we get to deal with.
Re: fell down again SayAnything...again: Hi, rainking...
I'm sorry if I offend you, but I just had to respond to your post because your response was really quite harsh, in my opinion, as a woman living in a situation much similar to HR's.
HR came here for support, advise, and wisdom from other members, as we all do. Not all of us are in the same place in recovery. I find it offensive that you basically told all of us in similar situations, who replied to HR's thread, that we basically deserve whatever we get.
I can only speak for myself...OK, yes, maybe I am a doormat...maybe my husband's actions/words aren't genuine. But, before I were to proceed with ending an 11 year marriage, I would like to know in my heart of hearts that I did everything possible AND allowed him every opportunity.
You said in your post that you've made these choices and went through hell for it because you didn't have the balls to let go of someone that was doing you harm.....
In my humble opinion, a little more sensitivity on your part would be warranted then, no? I commend you that you are doing so well.....but some of are still struggling. Perhaps you could share your wisdom without being so harsh to people that may be quite fragile and just need a kind word or two??
Thank you for reading this.
Respectfully,
SayAnything...again
Re: fell down again confused101: I know HR has been at a point where she was doing very well. She was in a position where she was able to do things and work in a direction that she felt was good for her, and it showed in every message I got from her.
Sorry if I offended you or anyone else. I just think it is crap for someone to yank someone else's chain. It sucks, if you've been married for 50 years or dating for 1 month It's just not right. I didn't tell anyone to divorce anyone, or to just run the other way or anything. I know as much as anyone how hard it is to go through someone else's changes. I was married for 9 years and knew her longer than that. I support everyone here in every way possible. And forgive me if I get a little angry to see one of my friends being bounced around like a yo-yo, for no obvious reason other than someone else's self satisfaction.
I applaud you for continuing to try. I did it too. If support is tantamount to saying "hang in there","maybe he'll come around", or "I can relate", then I guess I give crappy support for saying "as long as you allow it to happen, it will" or "you deserve the same kind of love you give someone else".
I don't think anyone deserves what they get. Fighting for the marriage or relationship is very noble, and I believe it should be given every opportunity to succeed. But for someone to pull away, cheat, come back, and pull away and know that it is hurting the party who is wanting the relationship is along the lines of emotional abuse. I don't know his story, don't care. I do know her story, and I don't think it's very cool for her to hurt.
I'm sorry my words were harsh to you. My apologies to whomever took offense.
Re: fell down again Dana: It always amazes me at how similar our stories on this site can be. I know EXACTLY what you are feeling. I'm going bonkers here too. Miss and love my STBXH so much but then I hear something that shocks me to the core. Don't know if or when this ride will end. Hope you find all the answers you are looking for. As far as confiding in others, I have my support group of friends who are all for me and let me tell them my heartache but at the same time they don't want to see me hurt again so it makes it hard to tell them about why I love him and want this to work. Goodluck honey and hope everything goes in the way you want and need.
