7 months and still hurting trashtv.grrl: I am so confused. I have so much to say and yet I don’t where to begin my story. And that is all it is a story, right? But this story plagues me everyday for the last six months. I go over it again and again in my head. I analyze words that I said, signs in the marriage I should have read differently. At once I simultaneously am filled with fear, sadness, devastation, rage, depression, and self-doubt. It’s hard to get through the day. Seven months ago my husband came home to say that he didn’t think that he loved me anymore. He needed time to think he said. I said take the time you need, whatever happens we will work through this. He didn’t contact me for 5 days. I finally approached him to ask about the situation. He said he wanted a divorce, it was over and he isn’t in love with me anymore. He is in love with someone else. I was devastated. I couldn’t believe this was my husband, he was saying these words to me. How could this be happening? Within two weeks he had separated the accounts, moved out his stuff, found a new place, filed for divorce. I was floored with the speed he kept up to distance himself from me, to dissolve the marriage I thought that we both cherished. When we spoke now it was through hissed intonations in his voice. He hated me. He hated everything about our life, our house, our marriage. I could have been so stupid? I never thought this could happen to me. He hasn’t made efforts to contact me.
It was two weeks and eight years vanished. I thought we were each others best friends, we were utterly interwined around each other. We spent tons of time in each others company, we always emailed and chatted several times a day. People envied our relationship, our marriage, our “honesty”. Then about a month bomb was dropped there were signs, but it was dismissed as stress. He was having a difficult time at work. Interestingly enough he said that the divorce had nothing to do with the someone else, but person he got together with separated from her 4 year relationship the very same weekend. Coincidence? I don’t know but they have been together the entire time we have been separated and now divorced.
As of June, the divorce is final. I remain alone. Trying to cope, to get through the days. To fathom this pain. I look in the mirror and all I see all my personality deficits, that I am half person and another half of that less than a woman. I drink more. I eat more. I struggle so hard now with depression. The emotional pain makes it difficult to feel anything else. I feel like I must be something awful for a man I loved so much to treat me this way, to leave me like he did. I am so lost...
Chard.
Re: 7 months and still hurting Backtome: I'm so sorry your going through this. You are not alone, most of us here have similar stories. I know that doesn't make it easier, but stay around and keep posting it helps!
Re: 7 months and still hurting Roseville: You are definately not alone! You came to the right place for support from people that understand what you are going thru. We're all sorta in the same boat - either broken up, seperated, divorcing, divorced, dating, reconciling, working thru marital issues.
I think probabaly the main thing that you will find on this board is that people will tell you to spend time and energy on yourself. Do things you want to do. Get a new look, go somewhere you never would have gone when you were married, work out, spend time alone & with family & friends.
Good luck on your journey,
J
Re: 7 months and still hurting Fjord Girl: It's scary how much I can relate to your story. The only thing I can say now is that I'm really sorry you have to go through this. You say "7 months and still hurting"... Well, it's been more than a year and a half for me and I'm still hurting. But I'm going to tell you what my mother told me a couple of days ago: "This is still a recent wound, you cannot expect it to heal too fast, you cannot force it, it hurts but you have to be patient." -- And I've learned that patience is the only thing that helps us go through this, although sometimes I have little of it.
When people tell me they are hurting I tend to give them the "It's going to be all right" discourse, but I'm learning to say this instead: You have the right to be sad, this is no easy task. Experience your sadness, take care of yourself, talk when you need to talk, look for all the help you need and don't let anyone make you feel your pain has no reason. Eventually you will discover that we all make it through and find the peace of mind we need to go on.
Godspeed!
FG
