Emptiness surfdog: I came home today from a week long business trip to find all my bedroom furniture gone. I knew my wife was coming during the week to get some things that we had talked about, but I had no idea how much it would hurt to come home to a house that has been dismantled. This is hardest day of my life next to the day she left nearly seven months ago. Not even a note was left to say, Hey I took a few things. To top it off, tomorrow is our six year wedding anniversary. We are not divorced yet, but separated. She claims that she is still not ready for divorce, but needs her own place. The past six months she has been staying at a friends condo. She has just found her own place.
I know I could file, but truth is, I'm not ready either. I don't want to force the issue if neither one of us are truly ready. Over the past seven months I thought I was getting better. Today I am on the floor again. When does one truly get over the loss of the person they love with all their heart. I still love her more than anything. How do I move on...How do I get to a place where I can love another the way I love her? I feel so alone and empty still...Should I divorce her? Should I move somewhere new to get a new start? These are the questions that I struggle with everyday. But I just keep coming back to the fact that I love her. How long is too long to wait for her? I am tired of the tears and the pain.
Re: Emptiness poppy: well, dog, you cannot move on until you make the decision to divorce or stay together. right now you are in a state of limbo that shows no sign of improving.
timing is different for everyone. i didn't want a divorce and my husband did. i thought for sure that he would come to his senses, but he has not. it has been eleven months, i moved out of state, divorce not yet finalized. i thought i would never love again and would be better off dead. the thought of another man was repulsive to me 11 months ago, because i loved my husband so much. my wounds are healing. i no longer need a tourniquet, but i'm not 100%. maybe never will be.
the best thing for you to do in order to move on would be to determine if the marriage is dead or not. if your wife will not give you a timeline and ground rules for "having her space", then you need to take care of yourself. you cannot waste anymore of your time waiting for her to come around. the hardest lesson i learned through all of this is that you can't talk another person into what you want.
i'm sorry you came home to a ransacked home. that sounds a little selfish to me. obviously she isn't ready for a divorce. she isn't done pilaging the marital residence. there is probably another benefit for her to remain married that has nothing to do with not wanting to be married to you.
i am so sorry. it gets better when there is an end (any end) in sight.
