Realization ATLfoodie: It hit me hard last night and this morning. I am about 99% sure my wife doesn't want to work things out. She is going to the therapist to appease me. I'm tired and frustrated to be the only one fighting for my marriage. Today has been an especially brutal day for me. I have 10 days lwft until the counselling appointment. After that I'm sure she'll tell to take what little furniture that is there that is mine and the other personal effect I have there.
This truly sucks to be the only one fighting for s marriage.
Re: Realization brokenbaby: You are right it does suck to be the only one fighting. Because it's a futile battle.
I'm sorry it is working out this way. Lean on us as much as you need.
Re: Realization E: Well, if you feel that she is not fighting for the marriage, then she most likely isn't. I found clinging to hope was far more painful than letting go. My husband moved out a year ago with the claim that it would bring us back together. He led me to believe there was hope and that if I changed it would bring him back.
I went through hell for months. We would get along great and he seemed to want to come back and then some little thing would happen and he would pull away again.
Then about two months ago, I just finally had enough. I told him that you have to make a decision whether you want the marriage or not. He said he was confused, not ready, blah, blah, blah. So, I made a firm decision to let go and give up all hope of a reconciliation. It was painful, yes, but I felt like I was finally able to begin healing. He probably could have continued to live in that grey area for awhile, but I couldn't. Either he wants to be with me or he doesn't - that simple.
Take care of yourself and decide what you want. Do you want to continue living and wondering what she wants? Don't live in an emotional prison - free yourself.
Re: Realization alonewith2: It was hard for me to cling to that hope as well. Part of me thought that if there was some small chance, then I wasn't that bad of a person afterall. But after finally realizing that 1. there was no hope and 2. I'm so much better off without him, I was able to find some peace and happiness. The stress I put myself under trying to cling to that shred of hope was not really worth it in the end.
It is painful to know that the other person doesn't care about you or your marriage that much to give it a try, but it's better to find that out now then to find it out after putting another year or two into the sad attempt. That's what happened to me. If I had to do it all over again, I wouldn't have tried that reconcilliation attempt. All it did was prolong my healing process and take another 2 years out of my life that could have been better spent elsewhere.
If you know that she doesn't have her heart into working things out, why even wait the 10 days to the counseling session?
Re: Realization E: Someone on the board said that "once it's over, it's over". I don't know if reconciliation is ever successful. I think maybe people could get back together only after many years have passed. Maybe after the divorce and other relationships you could find each other again. But that would only work if all the hurt had healed. But does it ever heal? Maybe the wounds heal, but the scars will be there forever.
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