I've lost it!!! Melbel: I am so tired! My GOD D*MN MIND will not shut off! I have slept 6 hours in 2 days and I tried to go to sleep....I layed there. I talked to a friend on the phone and I stared at the ceiling after I hung up.
WTF is wrong with me! I am so d*mn stressed out, overworked...all I do is run. Somebody always need something. Melissa can you do this for me, Melissa can you pick me up/take me here, Melissa can you plan this party/event/school function, Melissa help save the d*mn world. When the h*ll is it going to be my turn and when the hell is someone going to F**KING take care of me! I don't need to be taken care of all the time but it would be nice for just once in awhile F**KING somebody gave a rats a** to ohhh maybe not ask me to help....I can't say No. You all know that, hell it is a on going joke! STOP ASKING ME!!
I want to be the care free, crazy fun having like EVERYBODY GOD D*MN ELSE IS. How the h*ll do I do it? How the h*ll do I relax? My neck is so tense I can barely move my head and all I want is to NOT feel guilty to want to have fun and to live life rather then being THAT girl that has regrets, that girl who always was too busy to stop and smell the roses, that girl who watched life pass her by! Right now that's me...life is going a million miles an hour and I am on the coat tail of it. I can't help but feel lost tonight, I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders and it shows. I am so d*mn high strung! OMG...I wanna yell, I AM DONE!! YOU ARE ALL ON YOUR D*MN OWN FOR AWHILE!! IT"S MY TIME NOW!!!
I wanna get in the car and drive to the beach to watch the sunrise and open a bottle of bubbly and sit with my toes in the sand and slow down. Let all the sh*t in my head leave, let all the fears and stress leave me. I am a strong person and I am happy with parts of my life but D*MN IT I WANT MORE. AHHHHHH! I hate this, I hate me like this!
Re: I've lost it!!! Cherry: [quote"> I wanna get in the car and drive to the beach to watch the sunrise and open a bottle of bubbly and sit with my toes in the sand and slow down. Let all the sh*t in my head leave, let all the fears and stress leave me.[/quote">
Find some time Mel. I know how it feels. I was left with 2 kids and I thought my head was going to explode. I actually spent some time (when it was my ex's weekend) doing some roadtrips to visit some of my fellow Ojarians.
I got to meet Whiskeygirl and Picadilly when I went to Vancouver as well. The travel helped keep me sane and gave me some time to myself. Don't get me wrong, I missed my kids and friends and stuff but, we all need our own time to recharge.
Hang in there girl, you have people here who care about you.
Re: I've lost it!!! Melbel: Cherry,
Thank you! I always try and do something for me while they are gone but I feel the walls closing in around me. I can't explain it! I take on way to many things, I need to learn how to say NO and am needed by way to many family and friends.
I feel like I give so much of me to everyone one else and I am not upset at that, really! I LOVE helping people! I want to but I am the one that loses out. I am the one that loses something. Time that could have spent on me is normally given to somebody else or something else. I need to find balnce. I need to let it go and know I can't do it all, but the guilt, the feeling of I just let somebody down is almost overwhelming! I put way to much pressure on myself and I feel like sh*t for wanting to be selfish.
I just need out of this town before I have a total melt down!!
Re: I've lost it!!! alonewith2: You can't be there for them if you aren't where you need to be. That is the most important thing that many of us single parents forget. We NEED that time to build ourselves back up so that we can be the rock for others.
Just explain to them that you need at least one day a week to yourself. Or a few hours a day. Whatever it is you think will help. ;)
