Is it my fault or his fault? weak_feebly: Even though it's been 7 months since I broke up with him, I still keep on blaming myself for causing the end of the relationship.
My story in short:
My relationship was 7 years old. I suspected that he was cheating on me; hence I intruded into his privacy by checking his bank statements and messages. I discovered a few discrepancies, so I questioned him. He was able to explain it though the explanations were far-fetched. Then he blamed me for not trusting him and drifted away from me. Therefore, I gave him the ultimatum and broke up with him at the end of last year.
Up till now, with so many obvious tell-tale signs of his cheating, I am still not convinced that he cheated. I really cannot accept it. Could he have been speaking the truth? At times, I wonder that we would not have broken up if I trusted him.
Why am I so insistent on hearing the truth from him? He is already dating someone new. There's no way we can get back together. It will not make a difference to the status of the relationship upon knowing the truth. Why do I keep on trapping myself by harping on it?
??? ??? ??? ??? ???
Re: Is it my fault or his fault? spooky: In my expereince someonw who will go to blaming you instead of trying to understand what happend (at least first) is hiding something. The fact that he turned away I think backs up your suspicions.
Re: Is it my fault or his fault? alonewith2: I agree with Spooky. I had my suspicions about my stbx cheating. If I questioned his behavior or whereabouts in any way, he would get very defensive. Then he would turn it all around on me and make me feel guilty like I was doing something wrong by asking.
Then I found the proof I needed...there was not much he could say to that.
If you had 7 years invested and he really loved you and wanted things to work, then I don't see where he could have easily let go and moved on. If there was nothing going on, then yes, the infringement into his privacy might have upset him, but still, I think he would have wanted to work things out.
Re: Is it my fault or his fault? startingover: [quote author=alonewith2 (SNB) link=topic=32004.msg322695#msg322695 date=1153670346">
I agree with Spooky. I had my suspicions about my stbx cheating. If I questioned his behavior or whereabouts in any way, he would get very defensive. Then he would turn it all around on me and make me feel guilty like I was doing something wrong by asking.
Then I found the proof I needed...there was not much he could say to that.
[/quote">
When I found the proof I needed, there was a lot he said, including I was a lying b*tch for snooping. Somehow I'm the bad guy for snooping when he couldn't keep his pants zipped. ??? If it get's him through the night and keeps him out of my life. . . .
Re: Is it my fault or his fault? alonewith2: Tattered, that's the guilt in him trying to convince himself that it wasn't his fault. Many cheaters exert that onto their SO. My response would have been and WAS to my stbx, "If you wouldn't have lied about it or had been doing it in the first place, I wouldn't have found anything..." ;)
They aren't feeling guilty for what they did, they are feeling the remorse of getting caught. Since you were the one who caught him, he will blame you for that remorse! Nothing kills the excitement of doing something wrong like getting caught! How dare you ruin that for him!! LOL :)
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