Re: Is it my fault or his fault? BeatenNotBroken: Its not your fault. It too has been 7 months for me and you know what I still want the truth from my wife even though it would change nothing. I don't know if it will help me get closure or what but i still want it. I'm sorry that your hurting and i know this is driving you crazy. I want so bad to let her go but it is easier said than done. Maybe on the inside you know that knowing the truth will help that.
Re: Is it my fault or his fault? startingover: [quote author=alonewith2 (SNB) link=topic=32004.msg322701#msg322701 date=1153671829">
Tattered, that's the guilt in him trying to convince himself that it wasn't his fault. Many cheaters exert that onto their SO. My response would have been and WAS to my stbx, "If you wouldn't have lied about it or had been doing it in the first place, I wouldn't have found anything..." ;)
They aren't feeling guilty for what they did, they are feeling the remorse of getting caught. Since you were the one who caught him, he will blame you for that remorse! Nothing kills the excitement of doing something wrong like getting caught! How dare you ruin that for him!! LOL :)
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That makes perfect sense.
Weak, it is not your fault. You may never get the truth, but his actions speak loud and clear.
Re: Is it my fault or his fault? spooky: *deleted*
Re: Is it my fault or his fault? snkpack: You have to learn to let it go and stop blaming yourself. Chances are you were right. Does it make it okay that you snooped? I'm not sure. Certainly his reactions indicates that even if he wasn't cheating, he was sure ready to use any excuse of your misbehavior to detach from the relationship instead of working through it. I don't think its wrong for you to expect better. If the story was far-fetched, chances are you instinct was right on the money and he lied to you. Did you really want to spend time being disrespected and lied to? Is it better to know that you walked away from a situation that would probably have ended up in him eventually walking away from you? I give you props for seeing the truth early enough to make the choice of walking away before he did it to you. At least you have the pride of knowing that you didn't sit around pathetically putting up with prolonged disrespect and abuse. That's a consolation most of us will never have.
Re: Is it my fault or his fault? Dana: Just a little conclusion I came to pretty early on that has helped me: You will NEVER know the truth. You weren't there when he was or wasn't cheating and the fact is you want him to say, "Yes, I cheated and here's how and with who." The hurt words are easier to believe than the nice. What if he didn't cheat and he was telling the truth. You're beating yourself up over what you're expecting to hear as the truth but to what end? You're still where you are and that's better off!!!!
