Why the guilt now??? angry1: I've been back and forth on this board now I guess about a year. My story in short is my wife cheated on me twice during our marriage, maybe more, and even as I struggled to keep our family together through this hell, (we have two children) she filed for divorce. However, court did not go the way she wanted. I received custody of the children, and soon we go back to court to split up the assets. She is currently with the man she had the last affair with.
I have to tell you that it was the anger that got me through the divorce process. The anger fueled me. It woke me up in the morning, it propelled me through the day, and at night its sudden release would knock me out into a coma-like sleep. Now there was depression in the beginning. The kind of depression that can cost you your job and even your life. But that depression gave way to rage. I've been on this high now for months. Until this week.
I'm not sure what happened or why. All I know is that I'm suddenly consumed with guilt. I keep thinking to myself "What if I had done things differently in my marriage?" "What if I had worked less?" "What if I hadn't allowed her to spend money like it was water? A THOUSAND OTHER "WHAT IF'S". Could I have changed this outcome? Maybe this was really MY fault, not hers.
I'm not sure why I'm going through this. Is this a natural stage of the grieving process? Has anyone else dealt with this?
FITD
Re: Why the guilt now??? spooky: It isn't your fault, she's the one who kept going elsewhere for her fun. And the anger, depression, etc is all part of the process. You might be feeling it kind of hard, but to the point you're doing something wrong. Don't feel guilt though, you tried to make it work and more BS kept happening while you were doing it. Maybe talking to a professional for a few sessions might yield some good coping strategies, it's worth a try if you're losing your job.
Re: Why the guilt now??? Lumpy: I think it's healthy and natural to take a hard look at yourself. Not to the point where you're beating yourself up however. We all made some mistakes in our marriages. That being said, you can leave the infidelity at her doorstep. That's one aspect of my divorce that I'll allow my ex to own exclusively.
Re: Why the guilt now??? Dana: You would have the "What If's" no matter what side you took. If you would have stayed and she would've cheated you again you would have said "What if I would have filed for divorce? Where would my life be now?" So, the real peace in the never ending "What If's" is What will the next great thing for me be?
Proud I wrote that one. Just wish I could get it through my own head.lol
Re: Why the guilt now??? angry1: Thanks for the good advice. I'm soooooo ready to step off this emotional rollercoaster.
fitd
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