I need profession ojar advice... madmax: Wife left 5 weeks ago...no goodbye...no contact. She filed for D 4 weeks ago. Now the house is empty cept for just me...she even took my dog.
A divorced friend of mine told me to start dating as soon as possible...just nothing serious. I feel fairly upbeat most of the time so this doesn't 'appear' to be a bad idea. One of my married friends discourages it.
I posted @ an online dating site to see what happens.
I'm I f'd up trying to do this so soon???
I have no intention of leading anyone on...I plan to be upfront and say "not looking for a relationship...just companionship".
Could really use some advice from both sexes...anyone been in my shoes that took this route?
Re: I need profession ojar advice... Fjord Girl: At the risk of sounding too harsh...
Why, oh why don't people take their time to recover from the separation shock before they start dating again? What kind of advice is that from a friend? Go numb yourself with another person and leave the wound open and unhealed? Because that's what dating is after a breakup: Novocaine.
No, I don't agree with your friend's advice. You say you have no intention of leading anyone on, but have you thought about your own feelings and how easy it will be for you to just cling on to someone in order to fill the void in your life? We've all seen it happening here, it happened to me. People don't learn, we see all the the broken hearts spilled on the floor and we just don't learn.
I don't say you have to wait for ages, but 5 weeks? How long were you married? How much do you love this woman? You need advice? Read a little bit about rebound relationships and maybe you'll get the info you need. Then you make the decision if you want to get back on the horse or not. Because our hearts work in weird ways when they hurt and believe me... This isn't the time for you to think about dating.
Re: I need profession ojar advice... confused101: Sounds like an ok plan to me, gonna need practice for the real thing later anyways. Just make sure people know your story and it's all good.
I got my rebound out of the way pretty quick after my D. No one can be afraid of being that now mwahahaha.
Just one less thing people can use against being with you when you're ready to settle down.
Re: I need profession ojar advice... madmax: FJ quote "I don't say you have to wait for ages, but 5 weeks? How long were you married? How much do you love this woman?"
I was married for 13 years...and she walked out without so much as a goodbye. No, I'm not vindictive...not even mad at her. This is not a tactic to 'get back at her'. I'm upset with the situation but I am gaining a peace acknowledging the the things I did right. She left...not me. She squashed my heart with a boot heel...not the other way around.
"How much do I love this woman?" Not at all right now. She abandoned me without so much as a consideration to the 13 years and could only point the finger at me as she walked out. To me...that makes it all that much easier to let go.
I just love women and their companionship. Their company can be reassuring. All I have been doing lately is eating dinner with married friends and discussing divorce. Aside from that, I'm just wandering around an empty home. You can only exercise so much.
FJ - I greatly appreciate your advice...thanks. By being aware of myself and the idea that I don't want to get involved, I think I can do this. But believe me, your words will be in the back of my mind and I appreciate that. I have no intentions of dating one person. There are quite a few online that aren't interested in anything long-term...and neither am I at this point.
Re: I need profession ojar advice... chaotic: [quote author=madmax link=topic=32048.msg323176#msg323176 date=1153764715">
Wife left 5 weeks ago...no goodbye...no contact. She filed for D 4 weeks ago. Now the house is empty cept for just me...she even took my dog.
A divorced friend of mine told me to start dating as soon as possible...just nothing serious. I feel fairly upbeat most of the time so this doesn't 'appear' to be a bad idea. One of my married friends discourages it.
I posted @ an online dating site to see what happens.
I'm I f'd up trying to do this so soon???
I have no intention of leading anyone on...I plan to be upfront and say "not looking for a relationship...just companionship".
Could really use some advice from both sexes...anyone been in my shoes that took this route?
[/quote">
Go out and have fun. You dont have to "date". You can post on most of the sites that you are looking for a Hang Out partner. Join a singles group.
I kind of agree with your divorced friend. You do need to get out. You dont however need to date as soon as possible. Go out with friends. Go out to make new friends. This will help you heal.
Trying to Date too soon will possibly end up causing you and the other person pain. Especially if the person goes to the "date" with expectations only to be told that you are not looking for anything.
Go out have fun. If you meet someone you want to date....fine just be careful not to move to quickly
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