Hello universe - the fish are awake. Ciera: this isn't really a vent. It's more of a head shake.
The universe has an interesting sense of humor. The grand scheme of my life has been interesting enough lately. I needed a break from school, I have gone the last three years none stop with way too many credits. This was accomplished by a set of circumstances which caused me to miss too many classes which caused me to fail two which in turn caused me to lose my school money. Losing my school money caused me to not be able to pay my bills and forced me to get a job. I ended up finding the best job I have ever had, worked for a full month before I got paid. by the time I got any money together I was two weeks late on rent and two months behind on everything else. There is no possible way I can catch up, so I am moving in with a friend. (Who is awesome btw) The friend however is across the country from where I am currently. Friday was my last day at a job I really really loved. I didn't have friends during my marriage (it wasn't allowed). The last year I have been slowly making a good friend base. This last week I said goodbye to every one. I am moving to a place I have never been, knowing one (count her boyfriend then two) people. I am torn between feeling guilty about moving my kids across country from their dad and wanting to dance a jig because I don't have to deal with their dad in person anymore. From wed on my entire life will be totally different. This entire chapter of my life is closing. My family had these reactions to me leaving. My older brother basically told me good luck with that and gave me a guilt trip about moving the kids. My parents said they were worried about not seeing us again.... well especially the girls (nice you added that dad, thanks.. I feel special now :P) My grandparents said "well we are redoing our bathroom but I suppose you can stop by for a few minutes to say goodbye". Yes, well men I have simply gone on a few dates with made a bigger fuss. Actually I have been quite impressed by these guys. :) It's been nice, well except for the goodbye part. I am wanting to be with one man that I can't be and sort of actively interested in another except... not. That part has a lot more explaining so I won't go into it.
I have shared my children with my ex for the last two years. Clenching my jaw and trying nicely to tell him you can't have your roommate take baths with our children, you can't call them into school 14 times this year, they are threatening court, you can't tell them to lie to me, stop trying to touch me!, NO I said stop touching me! Every week he pulls something, every week I only see my kids for four days. Now I get them every day but the times they come to visit daddy. (Which is liberal, I am not screwing him or anything). I get to raise my children not to lie, I don't have to worry about daddies 8 roommates that I've never met that constantly change. Or wonder if it's innocent or creepy that his female roommate bathes with my children and has them sleep with her. Yet I have to take on the fact that I am going to be responsible for them only seeing their
Re: Good morning universe - the fish are awake. Ciera: daddy in the summers and every other vacation. My children and I will in two days ride off into the sun (not quite set) hoping for a better life.
The first part of my life was full of suffocating frustrating as my parents beat me and forced their will on everything. The next part of my life was with a man who sodomized and raped me. The last couple years I have been finding myself and struggling to find my footing in this world. I have a solid idea of me now, and I draw people. The baffling thing is I am turning men down, not vice versa. I find it easier and easier to make friends. I can raise my kids now. I am not depressed as I have been for parts of my life. When I first left my ex and for most of my childhood I was numb. Now I feel, too deeply sometimes. But I am adjusting to that and learning to deal. Relationship anxiety is still a small problem but getting better. now I face an unknown future and crossing an unknown horizon. I'm ready though. The next part of my life with be so much better, I have faith. Maybe I don't have someone to share that with just now, but that's okay too.
Now the point of all that was supposed to be to share my day.. hehe but I got carried away. I woke up today from a dream that really brought home some things to me. I spent my day packing. Somewhere in there I decided to ask a question of someone I have wanted to for a while. I am finally to a place I can handle whatever answer I get, including none. I sent that off. My little brother (who is down in my town to help me pack) started really complaining about his ear so I took him to a doc in the box, I got there five minutes after they closed. We head to the hospital. They say it's going to be an hour wait so I go outside to call my parents to tell them about taking my brother to the hospital. My dad gets mad at me because my mom is mad at him because my little brother yelled at them. My dad hangs up on me. LoL all I was saying was sorry my mom was mad. When I turn to go inside a large woman in a wheel chair with a foot brace and two arm braces tells me she has no way to get home. She says she can't get a cab since she is poor. Her husband is home with their three year old (actually learned that part in the car) and they have no car. And could we please stop by the pharmacy. It's 8pm (ish?) around then and I was going to have to wait an hour for my brother anyway. I go in and ask him if he cares I take off he says no. I take this lady to the pharmacy and home chatting the whole way. Hehe she says something about wanting my number so we could hang out because I am fun. Except I am moving. :) Drop her off, head back to the hospital. get a call on the way in from someone I haven't heard from in a year, going to see him tomorrow and get some movies he borrowed from me a year ago. LoL. Get my brother (ear infection). My ex was supposed to come by to pick up some stuffed animals and calls when I get out of the hospital. Run home to let him in to get the stuffed animals. He asks for sex one last time. (hahaha, like I'm going to say yes after I said no for two years just because I am moving). I say no, he begs.. yes actually begs me. He says he is going to help me pack a little but first we are going to get my brothers antibiotics. So we head to the 24 hour pharmacy. He keeps trying to rub my leg, gets pissed because I pull back. Drop off the prescription, they say 45 minutes. Go to the gas station because my brother wants a pop. Stay in the car to wait and my ex tries to rub my neck. I get out of the car saying "I'm going to go check what is taking T
Re: Good morning universe - the fish are awake. Ciera: so long". He gets pissed. ROFL dumb ass. We go back and wait to pick up the prescription. Meanwhile an older guy (50s?) who is also waiting starts talking to me. So we get into this conversation about kids, teenagers, and politics. My ex is meanwhile sitting in a chair by us pouting. Finally the older guy gets his prescription right before us and as he is walking away hands me his name and number. LoL. My ex is now glaring at me. We get in the car, we drive home, my ex drives immediately off. He isn't about to help me if I don't put out I guess. LoL..... OMG... what a night. :D I am now finally home at midnight. So much for finishing packing today. ;D :D
<SNAP> ::) 8) :D
