To My Ex-Mother-in-Law 2good4this: Dear N,
I've never expressed my hurt to you and I wonder if you have any idea.
You were like the mother I never had (way more supportive) and from day one I always appreciated it. When I found out I was pregnant at 19, I told you before my own mom and you hugged me as I cried. You barely knew me-I was only dating your son for a few months-yet the way you looked at me and told me everything would be ok was so comforting at a time when I was really just a scared little girl.
Financially, you were always very generous, providing us with the funds to buy our first place. Although grateful, it was very hard for me to except a hand-out because, in my family, it does not happen. Throughout those first years, you were there to help with car payments, maintance payments, and even our taxes. Going out to dinner with you provided some sort of life at a time where we couldn't afford to go out. Being parents at such a young age was difficult in so many ways but you were there to help through many trying times.
But by being so "financially" involved in our lives led to conflict as well. I am extremely independent and felt at times that it would have been more beneficial to let us do some things ourselves- sink or swim, if you know what I mean. J never learned the valuable lesson in life of going without something. He knows that come what may, mom will be there to get him out of a bind. That's great but you know as well as I do, he takes advantage way too much. If there was $200 in the bank account and a bill was due, he'd blow it knowing money was just a phone call away.
I know what you went through with K. I 've heard the stories from your lips of how betrayed you were when you caught him with the OW. The devestation you must have felt finding out what was taking place in your own home is unreal. So how in the world did you not feel for me when I caught your son having an affair?
I was nine months pregnant with your 2nd granddaughter. I was beyong repair and would just lock myself in the bathroom (so R would not see me) and cry for hours while holding my belly. I have never felt so alone in my whole life. We were living in your apt. and as soon as he moved out, you told me I, actually to be specific, we, would have to move out because you needed to sell. You began showing the apt. before S was even born. I remember sitting on the couch while you walked people through my home and barely looked at me. Six years and I was no one to you.
I know the bond between a mother and a child and I never expected you to turn your back on your son. But I know that if one day my child ever does something so unexceptable, so disgusting, I will not sweep it under the rug as if it didn't occur. And the way you and T have opened your hearts and HOMES to the homewrecker is beyond me. She knew me, she knew I was pregnant, this affair began before we even got married! I know what you think of S for living in your home and sleeping with your husband, why do you not feel the same way about G? Or maybe you choose to believe J- that there wasn't an affair and that they started dating after he we separated. If that's the case, the blinders that you have on are amazing and you should try and find a way to market them!
So here we are, or aren't, since we never speak and probably never will. I wish you knew that your son and I talk everyday and he regrets his mistakes and now is living with his choices. He knows he choked on life and now is a 29 year old man living with his girlfriend in his mother's house. His only responsibility is to me and he's so emotionally fcked up he can't see straight. I believe our children are a reflection of us so even though your intentions may have been good, my enabling them, the result is this. By letting K emotionally abuse you for years, you turned your son into an abuser.
Your true colors showed through when the times got tough. As I said before, there is a lot I will always be grateful for and for that I thank you.
I wish you the best and am letting go of the anger and hurt that I have felt.
T
Re: To My Ex-Mother-in-Law jannette Garcia: wow! I almost cried. I feel the same way about my ex. He is not independant at all. what a shame.
