epiphanies tcc1c: Hi everybody!- I know that I've only posted a couple of times but I must tell you that I think that I have stumbled onto something. As you may know- I was pining over (and still do) my marriage/ ex/ and Son. but I was in the shower today wondering what I would say to her on Saturday when I pick up my Son at the Airport. Trying to figure a way for her to come back All of the sudden I had an epiphany(actually a couple). 1 My whole life, I've spent persuing SOMETHING, anything. From work to marriage and it seems that the harder i pushed the farther the goal. I came to the realization that I have the rest of my life. period."the rest of your life may sound sad to some, belive me a week ago I would have said the same thing. However when you couple that with a 90/10 rule, your outlook seems to improve. The 90/10 rule is, you control 90% of your life, 10% you can't. But it is the decisions and responses to the 10% that dictate how your day, week, month, or life will go. For example: a man comes downstairs to his Son eating Breakfast, his Son spills his coffee all over his shirt- he has a critiacal decision. First senario is the father snaps at the Son, runs upstairs to change, the Son feels bad and cries instead of eating breakfast, this makes the Son late for the bus. now the father has to drive him to school, half way there the father realizes that he left his briefcase upstairs, now he will be ten minutes late for a morning meeting. He gets the briefcase and speeds to school, which catches the eye of a cop. Now he will be 20 minutes late. he is late for the meeting and the Boss is mad. Scenario 2 is the father tells his Son to be more careful, changes his shirt, and comes downstairs just in time to see his happy Son get on the School bus. Now with not drinking the coffee, and yelling at his Son the father is 10 minutes early to work, he has the oppurtunity to prepare for the meeting, the Boss notices the father gets a raise..... Now what do I do with this new found knowledge?
Re: epiphanies chaotic: Realize that you never had complete control over the outcome of your marriage nor what will happen in the future. You hve control over the future of things in your life, but when other people are involved you will never be able to predict nor control what they do.
Once you realize this (and it sounds like you just made the breakthru), you will realize that relationships follow thier own rules and have a life of thier own. The only thing you can do is the best you can.
While you can not do anything to make a person love you, there is also nothing you can do that would make a person cheat on you, leave you for "falling out of love", etc.... There are cases of abuse and that sort of thing, but aside from those cases, the above is true.
Re: epiphanies tcc1c: Exactly- that is part of the 10% that can't be controlled. I can however, control my responses in order to elicit the best possible outcome. I know what you are all thinking " every human on the planet and even a couple of squrrells knows this!" well i'm not proud of this, but it took me 32 years to figure it out!
Re: epiphanies BeatenNotBroken: I think its that 10% is what hurts the most. Because of the things you can't control in that 10% is other people. For me this is true. I have had a real hard time with rejection my whole life. In the wake of my wife leaving i'm just now coming to peace with this. I remember the prayer that has become a part of my daily life.
God grant me the serenity to accept the things i cannot change
the courage to change what i can
and the wisdom to know the difference.
