Re: separated and confused (long!) atd74: Ostia,
What Paddington said in her first paragraph to you really hit home with me too - all the questions about whether your husband can handle this. Does he have the skills to handle these emotional ups and downs. Is this who you want as a lifelong partner?
There were many things that my ex did to bring our marriage to an end but I believe the basis and root causes of his actions were because he couldn't handle a marriage. He was selfish and immature. He could not emotionally support himself or his wife during the tough times. He showed his true colors to me as the years moved on.
I feel for you because I too know what you are going through - there's a faith that has been lost and a trust that may never be regained in this person you thought of always as your "soulmate".
No one can tell you what to do but you will know when the right time and place is to carry out whatever actions you must. I wrestled with this decision for years and it did take somewhat of a toll on me mentally and physically. I am lucky enough to have survived it all without medication (and I am NOT bashing anyone here), without drinking or turning to drugs or being committed. I am proud of this because I had to make a very tough decision all on my own and in my own time. I can say I don't regret the time it took me to come to what I feel is the best decision I could ever make regarding my marriage. However, I am glad I didn't wait any longer than I did. I took the time to work at it as hard as I could to save it and it just didn't work. I finally had to come to the realization that I was spinning my wheels and life was passing me by.
This is a heartwrenching thing to have to go through - especially when you feel you are left to make that final decision. You need to think about what you really want. You can't second guess your husband because you'll never figure him out no matter how hard you try. You only know yourself well enough to figure this out when the time is right for you.
Hang in there - don't make any rash decisions but don't wait for your husband to decide what's best for him either - he can't expect you to wait for him to sow his oats, grow up or do whatever HE needs to for HIMSELF either.
Re: separated and confused (long!) JASPER: I am so sorry you are going through this.You must decide what is best for you now.If you feel like sticking in there and waiting for him to make a decision then that is up to you but just know that any road you choose will not be easy.Are you prepared to let him run ths relationship?Because if you give him all the power all the choices thats exactly what you are doing.I think you need to concentrate on yourself right now do the things you need to do to move on from this that way if he dont come back you will already have begun the healing process.Good luck and God bless you.
Re: separated and confused (long!) achingallover: I think Jasper said it perfectly - stick with you!
I second the motion... ;)
Steph
Re: separated and confused (long!) Pita: God this is so much like my situation. The only difference is my husband never tells me what he wants. He only said we just needed some time apart. He never told me his feelings have faded. He never told me he wanted to try some things he has never tried before or do things he missed doing when he was younger. Even when I asked him. He just never told me anything and keeps me guessing. But ya i think my husband is going through the same thing as your husband's.. And I am too with yours...
Sorry for digging this old thread back.... I'm trying to get some answers to my questions. Hoping to understand my husband and my situation better.
