Burning Down the Other Side of the Hill sf7: Keep this to the facts:
So I’ve been married for about 9 years with kids along the way. Things were great, I suppose, then I run into this other woman who is a colleague of sorts…married but no kids. Well, things just click with her, but I removed myself from those feelings. How can you control it though, when you have to spend close to 8 hours a day with this person? Don’t tell me that you can, it just happens. I’ll defiantly stand by that one. Things get a little too deep between her and I and we call things off. I come clean with my wife, who forgives instantly. She gets divorced.
So the decision has been made. But here’s the catch: I CANNOT stop thinking about this girl and my marriage seems like a methodical daily series of process steps. I’ve even owned up to my wife that I’m lost in the fact that this other woman and I had a connection that we (my wife and I) don’t nor ever have had. She’s good with that too, just trying to work it out.
Give me the magic advice pill to close this Pandora’s Box, because honestly I have tried everything. I feel obligated, at fault for her divorce, lost in thought of her, miss her constantly, love fractional conversations with her, etc. Compounding the issue is that this other woman wants it to work with her and I at all costs. I’ve cut it off and she stays…through various mediums…messages. I’m at a total loss and have been for 2 years now. I feel like a drug addict trying to come clean…days where I know that I’m making the right emotionless life choice for the best of my kids and wife and days where I’m ready to pack up and live in that green grass on the other side of the hill. Seriously, do I just live swinging on this pendulum for the rest of my life? Guess so, that’s my only conclusion.
Before you start replying with your disgorging of my selfishness and how I should be more focused on my wife, understand that this is the end goal. I’ve heard it all before, I just need the magic answer to make it happen so that we are all fat, dumb and stupid happy again.
Re: Burning Down the Other Side of the Hill jannette Garcia: Well, honestly I think you're doing the right thing asking for help. Secondly, I think the first thing you need to do if you want to make things work with your wife is quit your job. Obviously is not helping you to stay there with the other woman there. You should also if possible move. Start a new life. I think that would help. Also try to get that connection with your wife. Talking does miracles as long as the other woman is not involved in any way shape or form. Goodluck
Re: Burning Down the Other Side of the Hill hr: If you have made the choice to stay with your wife and kids, stop reading and responding to the OW messages. I have been that wife and it really hurts deep inside knowing that my husband had an affair and didn't end the contact. He never told me that he was still in contact, but I knew and it hurt me in ways that I am still dealing with. It is not fair that your wife isn't getting your full attention. I am sure on some sort of level it is distracting you from what is important.
There is no magic pill for this problem. It is going to be a tough road for you. It is easy to connect with someone and make you start doubting things. It is that connection that makes it so hard to stop. You have to workvery hard and examine why you can't let it go. If you do the work it will be worth it in the end, and you will not believe what a relief it will be to let it go. Your marrige will be better if you can let go.
Re: Burning Down the Other Side of the Hill CDNgurl: It is so true. You have to end the contact. There is no room for three in a marriage. Do you have a counsellor that can help? Make sure you find one that understands your goals of improving your marriage. I believe there is a book out there called "Love is a Verb". Sounds like you are well on your way to making the right choice.
The grass is not greener on the other side IHMO.
Hugs - I can only imagine how hard this must be.
Re: Burning Down the Other Side of the Hill confused101: Magic advice pill right here....
Convert to hard-core Mormanism and declare yourself a believer in polygamy. Then convince your wife to let the co-worker move in with both of you. Then as they get used to the situation they will become buddies and all will be good.
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