Re: Pain. Blocking or not? startingover: You will cry when your ready, you can't force it. It will probably happen when you least expect it.
I had a therapist tell me to just sit with the feelings, don't analyze them or push them away. Just let them be. It has really helped.
Pain. Blocking or not? ezydriver: I am a little confused.
On the one hand we're told not to block out the pain. The pain is what builds us, gives us experience, strength and wisdom etc..
On the other hand when we get down we're advised to think positively, logically and rationally to overcome the pain. I personally do this because I was cheated on and never loved. I just keep reminding myself of how bad the relationship was for me.
I went through serious pain the first time we broke up and feel I did all my crying then. I cant seem to cry now. I discovered her cheating three weeks ago and left her then. I haven't cried once. I just keep reminding myself that I've had a lucky escape.
I'm a little worried that maybe I'm blocking the grief and doing more damage. I'm sure I'm not but I'm not sure. I just dont cry this time. Its not like I'm holding back the tears, they're just not coming.
Can anybody explain the right way to go about this? Do you think with strength and wisdom to keep yourself going, or wallow in the pain for the eventual good?
Re: Pain. Blocking or not? spooky: I don't block it, although I used to. I let myself feel it as much as I can. If it's enough to affect my overall behavior (if I can't think striaght, if I'm short with people), which hasn't happenen in a long time, I just put it on the backburner until it can be dealth with more appropriately. I also don't "put on a happy face", if I'm pissed I won't hide it. I remain cordial and professional, but I never could make it seen like I was okay, and believe me I've tried.
Re: Pain. Blocking or not? chaotic: [quote author=ezydriver link=topic=33039.msg339521#msg339521 date=1155335029">
I am a little confused.
On the one hand we're told not to block out the pain. The pain is what builds us, gives us experience, strength and wisdom etc..
On the other hand when we get down we're advised to think positively, logically and rationally to overcome the pain. I personally do this because I was cheated on and never loved. I just keep reminding myself of how bad the relationship was for me.
I went through serious pain the first time we broke up and feel I did all my crying then. I cant seem to cry now. I discovered her cheating three weeks ago and left her then. I haven't cried once. I just keep reminding myself that I've had a lucky escape.
I'm a little worried that maybe I'm blocking the grief and doing more damage. I'm sure I'm not but I'm not sure. I just dont cry this time. Its not like I'm holding back the tears, they're just not coming.
Can anybody explain the right way to go about this? Do you think with strength and wisdom to keep yourself going, or wallow in the pain for the eventual good?
[/quote">
I find that the people that give us the most advice are the folks that have no idea what we are going thru. They mean well and tell us things like "Think positive" and we will overcome.
Pain is what it is. It affects each of us differently and we all have our own ways of dealing with it.
Some of us cry to get it out. Some turn it into anger and lash out. Some hide it deep down. Are any of these healthy? Dont know. I know for me, I try to turn the pain into energy and work it out doing martial arts, studying or cycling. Its a great motivator sometimes. I have broken down and cried, but found it to be mostly useless for my healing. I only felt worse. I will not wallow in it nor will I claim to be strong or wise, just dealing with it in my own way.
