anyone totally disagree with divorce dreamlover: I totally no not believe in divorce, but its like I have no choice.
stbx moved out weeks ago- after saying 'i just don't love you anymore'.
I have made huge mistakes in my marriage and life. -- mainly letting my depression control my life. I was negative and hated myself, therefore, I hated everything around me. alot of time this came out when i was drinking. bad timing-- everyone else whats to have fun not deal with my sad s#@t.
so I'm realizing that my ways are contributing to divorce-- and - his ways and the mid-life crisis I think he is going thru, yet I feel like I am taking all the blame. only because I can admit that I was wrong, that I should of handled things different.
I'm learning, Im going to counseling, read self-help books, yet I still fell like I'm the cause--- when I know he could of done better.
why is it that someone -- your the partner your suppose to have for life - can't say hey- whats going on, we , or you, should really explore this .
why do I finally get it, and I don't get a 2nd chance?
anyway- at times I feel like the bigger - stronger person, I am empowering my self-- I got my own checking, savings etc and just got approved for my own townhouse--- when of course my stbx search on his own for me and told me I couldn't get a new place. am I suppose to be still dependent on him.? I don't get it,.
I don't believe in divorce, I believe in doing a soul search 1st and exploring all options. that has always been my believe, but the one time I and really need that believe to stand for something, I don't get it. all I'm getting is divorce is the answer.
gosh- this is so hard., this roller coaster-- nonforgiveness ride I am on.
Re: anyone totally disagree with divorce JNA: Welcome to Micheals Board...
I married my HS Sweetheart and was married for almost 15 yrs...
I did not believe in it then but we had grown apart and were tearing each other apart
We got a divorce and are the best of friends now...No kidding
If we would have stayed together I don't know...
I wanted success...She wanted the family unit
It sounds as if you two have issues too...
Have you tried talking to your SO?
It seems like a stupid question but I have not read a lot of your posts...
Sometimes people just need a little time apart to work out things
Tell me a little more about it...
JNA
DL wrote: gosh- this is so hard., this roller coaster-- nonforgiveness ride I am on.
I was on that ride but with a GF...
I hurts I know
Re: anyone totally disagree with divorce superwife: Welcome.
[quote author=dreamlover link=topic=33053.msg339663#msg339663 date=1155355963">
I totally no not believe in divorce, but its like I have no choice.
[/quote">
Unfortunately, if he believes in it, you're kind of outnumbered (even tho it's only one on one)
[quote"> so I'm realizing that my ways are contributing to divorce... I feel like I am taking all the blame. only because I can admit that I was wrong, that I should of handled things different.[/quote">
Of course you feel this way. He is making you feel this way. And b/c you can admit you did some things wrong (which perhaps you did, I'm sure we all did), he's gonna ride with that...b/c he knows you and that you have a conscience (and maybe a vulnerable side?)
[quote"> I'm learning, Im going to counseling, read self-help books, yet I still fell like I'm the cause--- when I know he could of done better.[/quote">
You're doing the right thing. And yeah, I'm guessing he could have done better. he, like many of our ex's, did not ever try to work it out.
[quote"> why is it that someone -- your the partner your suppose to have for life - can't say hey- whats going on, we , or you, should really explore this .
why do I finally get it, and I don't get a 2nd chance?[/quote">
B/c they don't want to work it out. Plain and simple. He made up his mind long before he told you. That makes it much harder for the one who left. B/c they seem so nonchalant about it by then, when we are sitting here dumbfounded.
Stick with us. We'll help you as much as we can.
Re: anyone totally disagree with divorce Ramsey: Welcome Dreamlover. I'm sorry that you are here with the rest of us. I've felt and thought the same exact things as you. My ex made me feel like it was all my fault. I realized there were things I could have done better, but it wasn't all my fault. And of course I don't feel divorce was right for us since I was the one left. The awful awful truth is that there are some people that don't take the value of staying together and working things out as seriously as some of us. It's awful.
But I'm glad to hear about all of the wonderful things you are doing to empower yourself. I've learned a lot myself, but it's hard. I hope you continue to do as well as you seem to be. And keep posting. Take care.
Ramsey
Re: anyone totally disagree with divorce justchar: Even though my ex and I were total opposites I did not want to get a divorce. He believes we tried but his idea of trying was telling me I don't talk to him (not just blah blah talk but deep meaningful talk) and then waiting around to see what happens. We went to counseling once a year ago. He blames everything on me and takes none for himself...I know I'm not perfect and there were things I did that were wrong, but I was not completely to blame. What a minute I didn't want a divorce ???
Anyway...I believed that once you got married it was forever...you don't get easy outs and you don't get to change your mind. You try to work it out and know that you have good days and bad days even good years and bad years. Of course I didn't get a choice...he believed in it.
What I don't understand is how someone who loved you and married you can tell you that they don't love you anymore...how does this happen? Does love just die so easily?
