Looking Back? missmylife: I moved out a week ago after finding information on the computer that I cannot live with. How long does the looking back at the old memories that makes me want to go back last? Does it ever stop. I remember the good memories and fun when things were good. And then I think about all the reasons that I left and I know that I will never get past the hurt and anger to make things work. So what good would it do to put yet another band aid on it? I have such a feeling of relief for my daughter and I and him for that matter that the fighting and arguing and days not speaking are over. It was an emotional hell. Partly because I cannot let things go. I realize that, but now to come to a lot of realizations based on this information explains alot of my pain and I can't stand it.
Does it take a few weeks, years, does there ever come a point where you feel good about your decision to leave or is there always the looking back?
Thanks for listening.
Re: Looking Back? sosad05: [quote"> How long does the looking back at the old memories that makes me want to go back last?[/quote">
When you make a list of the reasons WHY you left. Review the list again and again. This is what I have to do. It becomes very easy to forget the bad. There isnt a time frame on it.
[quote"> I have such a feeling of relief for my daughter and I and him for that matter that the fighting and arguing and days not speaking are over.[/quote">
This is what you have to focus on. Ofcourse, I dont know all the details of your situation but in my situation the craziness could not continuet. Esp. for the sake of my children. Everyday, I look at how well I am doing now as well as my children. We are both better parents now...apart.
I think when you are the one that leaves, you automatically feel some guilt. You always have the "what ifs". But, you have to make a conscious effort to move on. You will find on OJAR, most people recommend a "No Contact" motto. I only contact my xh in regard to the children. At first, I didnt talk to him at all. Everything went thru the grandparents. Over time it gets better.
Keep posting. You have a huge support source on Ojar.
Re: Looking Back? Older Guy: My favorite analogy is to see it as when you are driving a car.
You look into the rear view mirror every once in a while just to check what's back there or when you have to slow down or change lanes. But for the most part you look in front of you to see where you are and down the road to see where you are going.
Try to live in the "now", look down the road just as far as you can see and use the past to learn for the future.
Re: Looking Back? Fjord Girl: Making the decision to leave a relationship that has turned sour is no easy task. And the "wanting to go back" feelings are normal when you think about the good times. In some way, it is good that you can think about them and cherish them, but when you feel the overwhelming need of living it all again, make a list of the reasons why you left, put everything on a balance and think of yourself and what you want.
I know for a fact that I wasn't happy in my marriage, there was always something missing, but I didn't do anything about it. Then he left and as much as it hurt, I wasn't the one who had to make the painful decision. So kuddos to you for going after better things. Just keep reminding yourself that life can much more.
Re: Looking Back? momuv3: Very fitting post for me today as well. I love the idea of writing out all the bad things about the relationship. If there was more good then bad things we all wouldn't be in this situation. I have been in the "oh, I miss him and the good times" mode. I have to be in the remember the crap mode and move on. Have had more contact with him than usual this week and i really do agree that the "no contact" is the best thing. It does set you back emotionally.
Its only been a week, and sounds like you were the one making all the adjustments of moving. Give it time. You will have some good days and some bad. Post on here when you get lonely or need to vent. We are always here. Stay strong.
