Re: Is it possible? Fjord Girl: [quote author=Older Guy link=topic=33060.msg339739#msg339739 date=1155392273">
My ex-wife and i split up more than a year ago and we still talk often and go out to lunch. I think that it depends of what you split in the first place. But it is possible to be "friends"
[/quote">
Yes, it depends on the split. I have to agree with it. If I gave advice on this based on mine, I would tell people to run!
Re: Is it possible? momuv3: [quote author=2good4this link=topic=33060.msg339715#msg339715 date=1155386207">
The problem with keeping contact on a personal level is that usually one of the people have a deep longing to try and make things work. I have found that the more I talk to him, the more he makes me laugh, the more I miss him and the more longing I feel just to have things back the way they were. This is unrealistic and has caused me a great deal of pain. Think of it as a wound that starts to scab and will never heal completely unless you stop picking at it and just leave it alone.[/quote">
Very well put. When you "get along and talk casually" with your stbx your guard gets let down and there is some hope. And thru alot of thinking there are two different motives for each person:
--One has that emotional pain for that person that wants out. They feel if they stay connected in some way there is hope. They cling to every word and every encounter.
but..
--The other person may have a different motive. It may be that they are a little unstable with their new independence and want to keep their options open with you and also they may feel a tremendous amount of guilt and feel if there is some talking and laughing there is less hate.
Just my perspective. There probably are alot more scenarios but I feel you don't have to "hate" them, just stay away and move on. Maybe in time you can be friends. My first ex husband who is the father of my kids is now one of my great friends. But we have been divorced for many years. In the beginning it was the same, we couldn't talk. It was too painful and raw. I would just look at today and tomorrow and what is best for you to get thru this.
Re: Is it possible? tara: My ex and I are good friends, but we didn't split due to cheating, abuse, abandonment or any of that. Sure, there were issues and minor betrayals, but ultimately, we were incompatible. What we wanted out of life could not be accomplished together.
We seem to make better friends than partners.
I think it's possible if you've forgiven each other for any betrayals/hurts (and they were not too big to begin with), and neither of you harbors hope -- or even desire -- to get back together. And then both of you have to want the friendship; it doesn't work if one of you wants it and one of you is willing to put up with it out of guilt or whatever.
Re: Is it possible? justchar: My ex and I split because we were just so different on almost every aspect of our personalities...opposites attract, but don't make it the long haul. I see him everyday because we have joint custody and don't use daycare for our 4 month old. I would say since I have so much contact with him, I have to be friends or it would be too difficult. This is not to say some days I don't hate him and some days I wish he'd just go away. Would we be friends if it wasn't for our baby...probably not, we're just too different.
Re: Is it possible? twine: it all depends on the circumstances, i could never be friends with my stbxw, however my friend and his x wife are still very good friends.
Click More for the next page.
