One year anniversary maine surfer: One year anniversary.
One year ago, on July 26, 2005 I received a telephone call from my wife that turned my world upside down. Married no more, devastated, thinking of killing myself and going crazy I thought my life was over. Constantly crying like a baby I spent the following night thinking of my world completely destroyed. To say I was unhappy would be a gross understatement. You can read my posts Life’s over here http://ojar.com/boards/index.php/topic,16073.msg135480.html#msg135480
Gosh did it hurt or what. The worst and most painful time of my life: desperate, dark, sad and bad filled with tears and heartache.
12 months later I found myself at the same city, same job and same state of being single. The difference was a change that took place inside me. It is absolutely amazing what the breakup has done to my inner peace, confidence and self development. Instead of sitting and grieving 12 months after the breakup, I decided to celebrate first anniversary of my new life.
Booking a flight to Turkey and living it up at a 5 star hotel on the coast of azure Mediterranean seemed like the way to do it. Off we go! Needless to say, I wasn’t bored there. Accompanied by 3 gorgeous girls anywhere I went was driving local Turks and fellow Russian and German tourists absolutely crazy. Jet skied, parasailed, relaxed on the beach, had a bottle of champagne in a close proximity at all times, danced all night long and met new interesting people. For the first time in about 8 years I was proud to take my shirt off and caught lustful looks from gorgeous females. I had so much female attention that it drove my beautiful company crazy and jealous (the company I met right there in Turkey). I was a center of everybody’s attention without even trying. Men and women came to me out of the blue and wanted to make friends. I was fun to be around. For the first time in 12 months I felt that life is good again. For the first time in my life I found myself being a center of my own universe filled with people that wanted to be in my world but not vice versa. I felt inner peace and comfort. These 12 months have certainly changed things.
One night in Turkey I sneaked away from my company (the company on the dance floor were immediately surrounded by men ) and went to a pier. Sitting there looking at beautiful southern sky with stars that seemed to be so close I could touch them with my hands seemed peaceful and though invoking. I was thinking about what happened one year ago and how it has changed my life. How I changed and became a stronger, leaner, confident man is quite a story, really.
First month after the breakup was unquestionably the worst. I still remember all the pain inside; merely thinking about what was happening made me sick. It is really hard to explain depth of pain that I went through; how one can explain what happens when a dark cloud completely consumes you then acid-like burns and razor-like cuts all insides specifically aiming at your heart? We fellow dumpees don’t change on the outside except for losing weigh and having black circles around red eyes; it’s rather our hearts that change. I don’t know about yours but mine was burnt and cut open bleeding constantly. Could all those tears be drops of blood from the heart filtered in some weird way so the came out of eyes crystal clear but burning hot? Pain, fire and disaster are the words that somewhat explain the days back almost a year ago. Strangely enough, I didn’t get any grey hair over the breakup although at first I thought I’d turn completely grey in a matter of weeks.
Re: One year anniversary maine surfer: Well, just like even worst fire comes to an end, my pain started easing off week by week. At one point, I stopped crying. Couldn’t cry anymore, just feeling extremely sad, cold and empty. I finally pulled my act together and told the story to my best friends, a friend back in the US, one in London and one here in Moscow. The one in Moscow got married in September and I had to wait until after marriage to tell him and his new wife. I waited until he tied the knot because my friend was very nervous about whole marriage and made the decision by looking at me and my ex-wife seeing how well thing were working between us. I told them about us a few days after the wedding and my friend’s first question was “Why didn’t you tell me earlier?”
All friends were very sympathetic and helpful, especially the one from the USA who called almost every day to cheer me up. His help was invaluable. He traveled half way around the world in late September to spend some time with me in Odessa, Ukraine. He gave me a great present of a break from horrid reality as we had such a blast together! Little I knew that it would be the last time we’d see each other. More on that later. Thank you, my best friend, for everything.
Meanwhile, work was a complete kaput meaning my company participated in a tender for new construction of a new hydropower plant and I was in charge. Fortunately it made me focus and work very hard through mid October. Day by day, pain was going away. It was slowly leaving but making space for sadness, depression, despair, hopelessness and feeling of nowhere to go. I lost a great deal of motivation and was just going with a flow. I guess you can say that I took it day by day without any particular plan. Feeling so sad experiencing great late summer and beautiful warm fall was a weird experience. We had days with temperatures of 70+ all through late October, which is very unusual for the city of Moscow.
Visible changes started taking place. I lost weight. A lot of weight. Boy, breakup and divorce must be the best diet out there! Losing much weight quickly can take a toll on one physically. Lack of energy, depression, loss of motivation and apathy, divorce’s best friends, started getting dangerously close to me. All of a sudden I realized that I no cloth left as nothing would fit me properly. Before the breakup weigh scale would register something like 257 lbs and a few weeks late it showed 217. L and occasional XL instead of usual XXL, yahoo! All of a sudden tight cloths started looking good on me instead of baggy ones I always wore.
Next came metrosexualism. It was during a complete hairstyle change when a cute hairstylist suggested to have my nails done. “What the heck” I thought “I’ll try it once”. Well, what a difference gook looking nails make! After I felt like walking around and sticking my hands to everybody’s face “Look at my nails!” I started experimenting with different things like different colognes; male face crèmes and moisturizers face masks, etc. Most guys don’t realize that all these things make them look better. And looking good is an instant self-confidence boost which, in turn, makes one feel better.
Re: One year anniversary maine surfer: Then came shopping. I used to absolutely hate shopping. All of a sudden I caught myself enjoying choosing cloths that made me look sexier. Whatever makes me look good makes me fell better
In late October my project was done and I was off to Egypt’s premiere party place, Sharm El Sheikh to take a week’s break. Although enjoying hot African sun and diving unreal Red Sea, I felt lonely and sad. Without friends and a company the days seemed dull and boring. Well, I was dull and boring, really, so were my days. I tried to meet a few women and failed miserably. I mean despite looking good I failed to successfully meet girls at a notorious party place! I was rejected! Needles to say that made me even sadder. I felt like a complete looser.
Upon coming back I felt even more down. Alone in the entire world, crushed under the baggage of the relationship turned sour, I felt crushed. I hit the rocky bottom again.
Being a curious person and a learner by nature, I decided to seek an advice. Turned to internet, I soon discovered that my problem wasn’t so unique and there were so many men failing successfully meeting women. I learned that I was a soldier of a countless army of average frustrated chumps . The art of meeting women was discovered.
Meeting women is a set of certain communication skills that anyone can easily acquire and master to tremendously increase his success of meeting and be comfortable around women. It is a double edged sword which can be used for either finding the one or manipulating women for sex. I didn’t get involved for neither, I just wanted to learn and boost my confidence. Before getting married I found having success with meeting women a tough challenge. Not exactly zero but also not anywhere near 100. Close to 30 maybe. Meeting opposite sex was always a miracle I couldn’t quite understand. Becoming a married man the problem disappeared as being in love with my wife, other women simply didn’t exist for me sexually. After the breakup I faced the same challenge of successfully meeting women. Well, learning is what I excel at and that’s what I did with the problem: I learned how to solve it. After some time I felt so cheated! All that frustration of being rejected was in vain. Having some right communication tools it is so easy to approach any women and make friends with her.
Some time in February I signed up at a local gym. At some point of my life, I was a bodybuilder (long long time ago) so I’m pretty familiar with the sport and with the way of making a body look good. Physical activity is probably the best way to fight stress of any kind. By transforming body one increases confidence and fells good about reaching goals.
Meanwhile my breakup was being left in the past. Life was going on, work was going good, financial situation was improving. I was bouncing back. Prayed a lot, read spiritual books and thought, thought, thought. Getting back on track has been a long slow that that took every day.
Re: One year anniversary maine surfer: At one point critical point of return was reached. I was in a car going somewhere. In front of us there was cloudless sun and when I turned back I saw night dark sky with lightning and rain. The picture was surreal as the car was in the middle of two worlds, sunny and bright up front and terrible, rainy and troubled left behind. And we were speeding away from trouble toward nice sunshine. Had we stopped right there, the storm would catch up quickly to surround with darkness and rain, but we kept moving to sunshine. That was the critical point for me as I realized that that was my life: troubled painful past which I was speeding away from to light, sunshine and happiness. It struck me that I could either remain stuck in the storm or move on to become happy again.
Next morning I woke up a different person. Right there in my bed I clearly felt that I was over the past. Reality was that I was single, I was over the breakup and I had the new life ahead of me. I have total power over my life. If I want to be happy, I must put efforts and I will become happy. If I desire to be successful, I will have to put efforts to become one. If I want to have a body like Arnold Schwarzenegger, all I have to do is adjust my diet and exercise. If I want to successfully meet women, all I have to do is learn and practice. If I want to make more money, all I have to do is think and work hard. It all depends entirely up to me. Everything. Whatever I want to reach I have to make efforts and God will help me. If I want to be happy, I should be it. How I came to be in this state I don’t know. I guess it’s a combination of many things such as improved confidence, exercising, spiritual search for meaning of life, praying, setting new goals and much more. All I know is that I am a different person now. I’m confident, good looking, taken care, nicely dressed athletic, fun, outgoing, brave, bold, gutty, adventurous, taking life as it is. Men and women are attracted to me, people want to my friends and spend time with me, women want to meet me romantically. I’ve learned that people think of you no more or nor less than you think of yourself. I have never felt like this before. Trust me it feels very different from what I felt a year ago when I thought that life was over. It feels incredible. More I think about it more I understand that this feeling is a direct result of my breakup. God works in mysterious ways, as usual.
Re: One year anniversary newts: I don't know if your finished, however, that is a great post Maine.
Love and desire come from within and how you see yourself reflects how people see you.
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