Re: Am I being Selfish????? chaotic: In my experience, "Hoping" that it will work itself out does not work. Hope is good, but only if there is a chance. This guy is 30. He has lived this way for this long, and I doubt he will change. You have been with since he was 21 years old. He probably went from living at home with his mom to living with you. He has never had to take responsibility for anything, and wont take responsibiliy unless forced to. If you try to make him, he may just resent you and leave himself. So Dont feel bad for what you are feeling.
Re: Am I being Selfish????? hr: In a way, I know how you feel. My husband was the same way. We were together 14 years. In the whole time I was the one working. He went from job to job. Most of the time he didn't even have a job. I went to school full time worked 30 hours a week and had a 2 year old and one on the way. 10 years went bye. Financially I was a mess. I kept telling him I couldn't afford the bills and I was stressed about losing the house. I was taking care of everything. I resented him so much. I couldn't take the stress and I quit talking to him. He cheated and moved out. I allowed him to come back and the same thing happened again and again. In your situation atleast there is no cheating, but the resentment will get worse as time goes on. I loved my husband, but when he is gone I can support me and the kids and have money left over, and I am not mothering another child. I thought that love was enough, but it is not. I finally realized that I have goals and dreams and he was holding me back. I think it is easier without him. My broken heart heals more each day and the financial burden is lifting and I don't carry around stress all day every day. I tried to talk to him and it never changed. He never could grasp the concept because he never wrote a check or opened a bill. I wish you luck. I sure understand. Keep posting.
Re: Am I being Selfish????? Feel: How dare you even think of yourself as being selfish.... it's not as if you are taking from him!
You need to walk if 2 years later he still hasn't showed change. You are not with anyone else so you ahve crossed boundries and you ahve given all of yourself to the marriage as well as him and it sounds as if he has contributed nothing but costs... which is costing you a lot. A lot of time, efforts, energy, the love of having a normal and fulfilling life...
I know you love him, but I know what it feels like to take care of most or all of the financial stuff, it burns you right out... you end up building resentment! ANd a hole bunch of other feelings!
Re: Am I being Selfish????? Keepyaheadup: I can't even begin to tell you how much of a relief it is just to have someone else understand. He asks me why I don't want to be intimate, but it's b/c I'm angry...I'm frustrated. I'm sure that you ladies, especially, know what Im talking about, but for women, the physical is tied so closely to the emotional. If the emotional connection is not there, then the physical is going to suffer. Nobody wants to fake it.
Re: Am I being Selfish????? jannette Garcia: OMG you are so right! I dont think men associate the emotial part with the physical part. When me and my boyfriend were having trouble he couldnt understand why I didnt want to get intimate with him! YOu are sooo sooo right!!
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