My wife's absense, Help. Please. SVT_2001: Allow me to give some background info on my marriage. I am 25, my wife is 22. We met when I was 22 and she was 18. We grew together beautifully and had more in common than I thought i'd ever find in someone. We began dating after a month, spent literally every night together we could, and loved it. We married 1 and a half years later, and had a fantastic loving marriage, it was two years this past march. We have fought, and had problems mainly with her family. Her mom is controlling, manipulative, and immature. Right before out wedding, we were driving out to her parents house to decorate, and we fought bad. It was cold, Sunday, and we were tired. I left in a mad state, came back, and she said we needed to talk. She said she didn't know if we should get married. I was very upset. We talked about it, and decided to go with it. Remember, we were at her parents house when this happened.
Our marriage was AWESOME. 2 years later, we went to her parents on Easter. The same thing happened, I bitched about having to go there, and she got defensive obviously. So we fought in the front yard quietly, and she told me to just leave. I asked her if she wanted to stay together, and she said she didn't know.
So I went home, upset as could be, went out bought her flowers and a card. As I'm laying on my floor writing her a letter telling her how much I love her, she comes in and says she "wants out". Like a fool, I begged for her to stay. Her brother and his girlfrield were in the house in the other room. She woudln't stay, she packed a little, and left.
She called later on that night and we got back together BEAUTIFULLY. The next day, we were great and we spend the next week spending every moment together and talking about improvement.
I later found out, that her mother and female relatives all pretty much encouraged her to leave me that day.
5 months later, last Tuesday night, she was acting funny when we got off work. I finally got it out of her. She said she'd had alot on her mind lately and we needed to talk. She told me to sit down. I got really scared, and started putting my shoes on to go for a walk. I came back within 3 minutes and we talked. She said she is tired of the fighting, and that she wants to be able to visit family with me more often. She also wanted children very badly, which we had pretty much decided to wait on for awhile. She had a miscarriage last year, and she took it very hard. She said that if we weren't going to have kids, we needed to go out more often and do things. The funny thing is, I'd made a commitment to that in the past 2 weeks. Friday, I took her out to see a chick flick! She was ecstatic. We had a great night.
So anways, she left that night. I begged her to stay, held her. I told her if she still loved me, she needed to stay, but that if she didn't, she could leave. Stupid of me. So she left. I tried calling her all night to no sucess.
The next day, she took off work and her and her mom and whoever else came to the house we shared and took all of her things and pretty much decided how to divide our furnishings.
Since then, i've only talked to her a few times, and she seems cold and indifferent. I don't know what to do.
She took all of her wedding pictues and memorabilia.
I keep thinking she's just going through a tough time and let her mom convince her to leave me. I know that's no excuse, she's a grown woman with her own mind. But it's been a week now.
She's not herself at all. THERE IS NO OTHER MAN. I am very confident about that. We never even wanted other friends, just each other. Every night, we are together. We talk during lunch time at work. So this is not the issue.
Some of the things she has said that might help you guys help me are:
While on the phone the other day, "Yes, for now, it's final" Refering to our situation.
"Maybe if you can prove to me if things can change" Refering to possibly reconciling things.
Also, there have been a couple times when I tried to call her over and over again. She WILL NOT turn her phone off, like she wants to know I'm calling. What's that about? Nobody else calls her on that phone except her mom, and she was at her moms house.
I'm torn up beyond belief, I don't know if I should make a valiant effort to show her I want her back, or just sit back and let things happen. She was close to my family as well, especially my grandmother, and she hasn't contacted any of them.
I'd WORK MY ASS off to make things work. Marriage is forever, period unless there is physical abuse. Things get better if we try. She has always had the same views.
sorry for rambling, I just can't stop thinking about it. Help, please.
Re: My wife's absense, Help. Please. confused101: Don't call her anymore. Don't initiate any contact. Let her come to you. If she wants to be with you, then she will. If she doesn't, then there isn't anything you can do to get her back. I know it sucks, but the truth is people change their minds or get older and want different things, or their values change, etc.
You have to do what is best for you, and to function normally as best as possible as an individual.
Re: My wife's absense, Help. Please. looking4advice: Sounds like your pretty torn up. I'm sorry to hear that. Seems like you have tried talking to her, maybe your right she needs sometime away. At this point nothing is a guarantee. Stay positive, and focused. She will come back if it's love and from reading your post it is...The grass is never greener this I know from experience, even if there is no other man the grass is never the same. Give her a time, give her what she needs and if she said some changes need to be made, what are they?
Re: My wife's absense, Help. Please. SVT_2001: Well, I've been moody lately. IN a mild depression, nothing too serious, mainly just because of my job's summer atmosphere, which is super busy. just been moody and irritable, but we ALWAYS resolve issues quickly and have a great time afterwards. She said she was at the end of her rope. I do believe she still loves me. She has gotten this way before when her mother got involved. I think it was her moms idea to clean out the house, so it would make it harder for my wife to come back. I did write her a very short letter the other day which I put alot of thought into. I didn't want to seem sappy or needy, but I don't want her to think things are not reversible and fixable. I'll cut and paste it for you guys.
Here's the email I sent her.
Just so you know, Nothing we’ve done so far is permanent or hard to change. Take your time though. I just want you to be happy, whichever route you chose.
This was refering to her moving her stuff out of our house and the emotional damage. It's very short, but that's what I was after.
THank you guys endlessly for your support. My parents have been great at helping me through this, I only wish her parents were the same way.
Re: My wife's absense, Help. Please. lisaj: Sorry to hear this but I agree do not contact her, I was told once that if u love someone let them go , if they come back to u they r yours for keeps, if they dont they were never yours if the first place !!!
and this is sooo true, dont beat yourself up, she is'nt
Lisa :-\
