Re: New And In Over My Head superwife: Welcome to Ojar!!
I agree with EQ. My ex would never be caught dead here. he's too cool (and that is not cool). And there are plenty of cool guys here on ojar, who can admit that they are/were in pain, and need support. And you guys are the ones that will heal and move on and be better men (unliike my ex, who will likely battle these demons for a long time, and will make th same misatkes in his new relationships).
And BTW, you're not an idiot. And it takes 2 to make a marriage work, so don't take the blame for 'not making her happy'.
Re: New And In Over My Head Feel: I know you can be stronger but with time... don't worry about being this maucho guy... cry if you ahve too....
Can you recommend coucelling? What about the childrens father, and how long was she seperated for to get married so fast again?
I am sorry to be asking so many questions!
Re: New And In Over My Head sosad05: Welcome to OJAR.
[quote"> We met two years ago while she was separated from her first husband [/quote">
Chances are she was never truly "over" her first husband. How quickly did you marry her after her divorce? Maybe she wasnt really emotionally ready.
[quote"> This was my first marriage and I failed so horribly at making her happy. [/quote">
You did not fail! If she says it's over, there is really nothing you can do. Again, because this is her second marriage, I think this has to do more with her than with you. I am so sorry for your pain.
Keep posting. We are here for you.
Re: New And In Over My Head angelfire:
Don't really know what to tell. It's so long and complicated that I honestly don't know where to begin. Sometimes I get so damn angry but I can't show that to her because I know it's not easy on her and I don't want her to hate me. [color=red"> It's ok not to want her to hate you, but it's also ok to let her know how you feel if that helps you[/color">
We met two years ago while she was separated from her first husband (yes I know I'm an idiot) [color=red"> You are not an idiot, just a man in love [/color"> She has two very bright and beautiful children (boy and a girl) who I love with all my heart. I still love her and she insists that she still loves me but just not in that way anymore. Too hard she says. She wants me to stay involved in her kids life because they love me and ask about me all the time.[color=red"> They are not your children and as much as you love them, I think in the long run ot might not be the best scenario for you[/color"> I want to but it hurts so bad when I'm there and she thinks I should be able to hide it for their sakes but sometimes I can't and have to go into another room.[color=red"> If it's too painful for you, don't do it until you can handle it[/color"> I'm a grown man and I hate it when I cry. Up until now I have cried a handful of times in my life usually at the death of someone but now I get so emotional. She doesnt cry in front of anyone. I know she does because I have heard her in the other room but she doesn't want me to see or the kids. [color=red"> Crying is not bad, it releases your emotions and usually, after a good cry, we tend to see clearer, don't beat yourself up for being a caring person[/color">
I've been through some hard times in my life as have everyone I guess but right now I just don't know if I can take this. I am completely alone because she was the one person I could talk to about things and now that is gone. This was my first marriage and I failed so horribly at making her happy. [color=red"> You did not fail, she quit, it's nothing you did or did not do, she was just not commited enough[/color"> As a man I am supposed to be tough and be able to handle any situation and for the most part of my life I did just that. Tonight I'm alone and don't know where I will go from here. don't know if I even want to try anything.
[color=red"> Right now, the best thing to do is to not do anything, just vent, write, cry and after awhile you'll be able to better put all this into perspective[/color">
There are alot of great people here who want to hear you out and give you excellent advice
Re: New And In Over My Head chrisS: [quote author=angelfire link=topic=33577.msg348250#msg348250 date=1156453256">
[color=red"> They are not your children and as much as you love them, I think in the long run ot might not be the best scenario for you[/color"> [/quote">
This is something that everyone tells me and in my head I know it will only end up hurting me very badly but I made a promise to the kids and especially her boy that I would always be there. So I've made the committment to be there as much as she will let me (as she has stated she would) I know at some point it will probably come down to her telling me not to anymore and it will hurt very badly and to be honest it will probably hurt my ability to form a relationship with someone else but I promised. As long as I can honestly say to myself that it is for them that I do it and not because I want to be around her then I will give it my best.
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