I can't believe I'm back here. craez: i'm such a friggin idiot. i started visiting here a year and a half ago. i found out my boyfriend of two years, who i had left my family and job to move to california with, cheated on me and got married one month after leaving me destitute and almost homeless. i was dangerously close to suicide.
well, i didn't have enough. i went back two months after his sham marriage. who the heck knows where his immigrant bride is?! he was the love of my life! (anyone think i'm sick yet?)
WHY THE HECK DID I GO BACK?!?! i guess i just wanted the pain to end.
so. then he took a job this january in Santa Monica. things STILL weren't over. i stayed in San diego and visited all the time. whenever i could. to the detriment of developing a life here.
that brings me to now. here i am. AGAIN. devestated. he said he thinks he wants to move on. he needs to think about things. pardon me for being insulted. what the heck is there to think about??? am i right? either you want me or you don't. and CLEARLY, you don't.
i really think something must be wrong with me to put up with his behavior for the last four years. AND to still let it totally devestate me.
i'm going to be alone forever. i'm in a city where i have almost no friends and no family. lonliness can really hurt deeply, you know? throw in a little heart break to boot. i can't let go of all the fear i have about what my life will be like without him in it.
*hanging head in shame*
i just can't believe how stupid i am. i let him do it AGAIN!
Re: I can't believe I'm back here. Feel: You are not stupid!
You just wanted to try one more time... we all frrl like that, we all want to just know why?, what did I do wrong, you walked on egg shells up to now and thought you did everything right so he wouldn't leave again...
It's not you and this I am sure you heard before!
Go back home to where you family and friends, taht will be the best thing to do! You might think it's the hardest but, just pack you things and go, you are not commited to him, nor do you have children so you can just go, adn get help from family and friends!
Do not think of suicide you are better than that, you need to take this one day at a time, stay away from him, he doesn't DESERVE you!
We are here at Ojar for you, to help you, you don't need to put up with this, nor does you body, mind, heart and soul need this shit in your life.
Re: I can't believe I'm back here. craez: thank you. you're right. i need to stay far, far away from him. i get so freaked out when i think about him not being in my life after four years together. i know that's not forever, but it felt like it to me. i thought we'd be together forever. so now what do i do? how do i move on?
Re: I can't believe I'm back here. BeatenNotBroken: I know the feelings of loneliness to well. You need to move back home. You went to Cali for him and he is not worth it. Cut the ties once and for all so the healing can begin. Theres nothing like being back home to help with that. When you move back home you can start fresh with no possibility of seeing him again. I wish I could move away so I would never have to see my ex again but my family and friends are here. Take this opportunity to reinvent yourself and find happiness for yourself.
Re: I can't believe I'm back here. Feel: First you need to move back with your family and start fresh if you have that opportunity...
Or if you have friends where you are see if they can help you with feeling at least a little bit better...
Again though you can post here at ojar and we can help as well!
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