1st session with dr. huge blow out with STBXW Wherezmygun: Well the day started out fine, i got ready to go see the DR. for the 1st time, to try and make sence of what is going on in my life. the session lasted almost 2 hours and we talked about alot of things from my childhood of course....i thought that was only in the movies LOL. anyway we talked about why i thought my wife didnt love me and why i was i love with her. talked about why its so hard for me to let go. not much really came out of the session other then me just opening up and letting some or it out. i felt ok after, dont get me wrong im not fixed and i dont think i ever will be. so after i left the dr office i went to the house to see my youngst son hes almost 2. well when i got there he was a sleep. so i had to talk to my wife at that point. she really didnt say much just did what she does all the time ignore me and clean the house that was already clean. so i just sat there and waited for my son to wake. when he did i played with him for a while. playing with him helps take my mind off my wife.
well when i stoped playing with her she drops the divorce papers on me like it was no big deal. reading those papers hirt so bad and cut so deep. i just wanted to die right then and there. i told her i was not going to sign them. i told her that i wantd her to go to the dr with me so we might try once really try and fix this. she wanted noting to do with it. so thats when the sadness in me turns to rage and anger and hate. that is when i start in on her and just makeing things worse off then then need to be. trust me when i say this but i dont mean to say the mean and hateful things i say to her they just come out. i cnat get over the fact that she did what she has done. we spent an hour or more on the phone after i left her house of just strait fighting and angrey text messages, i guess i shold also say that i was drinking as well so im sure that did not help. well to make a long story short there was nothing good that came out of it and im still getting divorced, im still in pain and she is still in pain and life just gets worse i see no light at the end of this long and dark tunnel that i find my self lost in. :'( :'( :'(
Re: 1st session with dr. huge blow out with STBXW So_Lost: Hang in there bro. Try to think about just getting through each day. Don't think long term right now. It will get better!
Keep going to the Dr., it will make all the difference!
Re: 1st session with dr. huge blow out with STBXW Crystal_Blue_024: Hey hun.... I'm sorry that you had such a $hitty day yesterday after your therapy session... I'm glad though, that you got to release some of your feelings with the therapist, it helps, and it will continue to help as you continue on with your therapy... There is no magical burst of joy that happens when you're in therapy, the therapist isn't there to "fix" the problem for you, but rather they are there to ask you questions, let you talk, and guide you to finding the answers on your own... Don't give up on therapy, DEFINITELY keep going, it really will help in the long wrong...
As far as the situation with the STBXW, simply put, it SUCKS, I know.... But unfortunately it's out of your hands... If you've made the effort to try to fix things with her, and she refuses, there's not a whole lot you can do to change her mind... And frankly hun, you shouldn't have to... I know it hurts like hell, but deep down, you know that you deserve someone that will love you for who you are, who you aren't, what you have, what you want, and everything in between... Someone who KNOWS they love you and KNOWS they want to be with you... You deserve that... We all deserve that...
My best advice is to keep contact at a minimum with her... I know you have children together so you can't do the "no contact" thing, but you need to keep the contact with her at a bare minimum, and keep it PROFESSIONAL... Don't get into the arguments and pleading and begging with her, I promise they won't do any good... Keep your contact with her strictly about the children and legal things, nothing PERSONAL.... Secondly, don't sign anything yet!! Even if you read over the papers and think you understand it all, GET LEGAL ADVICE before signing anything!!
I know this is a lot to be taking in all at once, and it seems unbearable.... But you'll get through this... Soon eough you will see the light at the end of the dark hellish tunnel... We're all here for you.... (((( HUGS )))))
Re: 1st session with dr. huge blow out with STBXW chaotic: One trip to the counselor wont help much. You need to keep going. The first trip for me was very similar to yours. Most of the time was spent with me in tears opening up and letting it out. It felt better to do that, but I knew that was not going to fix things, as you know now. After a couple sessions, we began talking about why it was hard for me. We started talking about plans and strategies for recovery and how to learn from this, etc...
Give it some time. It just takes time and patience.
You were you before she came into your life. She became part of your story, but you will be you again now that she is gone. It will just take some time.
Re: 1st session with dr. huge blow out with STBXW darkrose: Yeah, counselors are big on childhood, because everything you've been through since exiting the womb explains who you are today. It explained why my wife wouldn't talk to me and explains why I have trust issues.
Counseling is one of those things like exercising. If you go to the gym only when you feel you need to work out, then you're never going to tone your body. Same thing with counseling: If you feel like you need to go only when you've got a problem you can't deal with yourself, you'll never tone your mind. And that's what counseling is all about: learning to overcome things in your past that create present problems. Don't quit counseling whatever you do. Your counselor can help you find yourself again.
As for the other stuff, understand that there's going to be a lot of fights like this..maybe you can work things out with her and be friends, maybe not. If she's asking for a divorce and puts the paperwork in your face, then I would say that things CAN'T be worked out. I didn't file until I knew for sure that it was over, at least from my side and my stbxw was completely taken off-guard by it because I think she was going to use me as backup for an OM situation that is developing. I don't play those games.
