What kind of person does this make me? looking4advice: First I should say are you ready for this? I have been reading some of the post on here and the ones from the guys here I can more than relate. Alot of you talk about why your wife or gf left, cheated or just fell out of love w/ you. All of you sound so devistated, lost and just not sure you can make it. Well what your going thru I put my husband thru.....I'll get on w/ my story.
I was married at 21 had my first child at 22. Was married for 11yrs and within that time we had another child. I can't say I got married for the wrong reasons, but I can say I was not ready. I did love hiim..His parents were a hugh part of our lives. They lived next door. He was a mommies boy. (that alone was hard). He never took up for me when he mom put me down. His mom never really liked me from jump. But I loved him so I delt w/ it. She was not always like but more so than not. His dad....well different story...he loved me..treated me like his own. He is now passed. Another hard time we went thru. The x worked in car sales...you all know if you can't talk to people you will starve..needless to say I carried all the financial burden, but it was okay b/c it was for my family. After about 3yrs of working 2 jobs I started to resient him. If I could not make ends meet w/ 2 kids and him he knew his parents or mine would come thru. What eneded up happening was I met someone at work who was going thru a rough time. We got to talking about our problems and well blah blah blah I guess you know. After about 6mts I wanted out. I thought the grass was greener. After being divoreced for 2 1/2 yrs now and being out on my own for 5 well lets say my eyes are open. My XH waited for me to make up my mind for 3yrs before moving on. He now lives w/ his NGF and has turned into what he molded him to be. He does not acknowledge the boys or help...I don't ask for anything but 1/2 of school. Nothing else. Durning summer I leave him alone. He know I have no love for him and therefore he knows he can't get to me..so what he does is gets me thru the boys...I know alot of the women here can relate but the men, well I don't know some may say I deserve it. I do but the boys dont. The guy I worked w/ well I still see him but we are not one on one. I was misled by him and well now I'm divorced and the house went to forclosure...when I loved out as I said he waited, then he moved her in OUR house. Neither of them had enough sense to pay the mortage and both had jobs...he had a much better then than when we were married. Now...I am alone w/ the kids and I hate. There is much more to the Xh than what I have stated. I put him thru hell. If you only knew some of the things he went thur. I had a break down while living at home..not a true break down but I just lost it. Depression, crying...and I was crying to my husband about the guy I worked w/. I remember saying to him one day I was off and he stayed home w/ me to make sure I was okay. I said to him I love him the way you love me...so now you know how bad I'm hurting. My husband at them time still never left my side...he swallowed his pride as a man and stuck it out. Now he hates me and that part really don't bother me, but he knows it. He can't make me mad or hurt me so he neglects the kids to piss me off. Dont' get me wrong I have a great job and my mom helps when I need it...and that kills him b/c he is trying so hard to just rub it in my face....he has someone. If he could trust me he would come back and I actually tired a few months ago...I wrote him a letter.
He didn't want it. He would not read it b/c of her. He told me yesterday when we were arguing about school I should have thought about this before I laid down w/ someone else and ruined our marriage. I told him yep your right and I pay the price everyday. I'm trying to get things together. Its been long enough and it's not working. I pray...seems I can't find a connection anywhere. I'm always down...I have my good days, but they don't last long. I take benedryl to make me sleep. I feel like I'm lost and don't know if I stand a chance.
Am i being punished for what I did? Am I suppose to be alone? What. Is there anyone out there who wanted out due to "cheating" (sorry guys I know you all hate that...) and realized now what you had. I miss the family. How can I get myself to feel complete?
I could go on b/c this ordeal had been happening now for several yrs. Alot has happened...I'm trying to stay strong...but the overwhelming feelings of depression get me...I tried the meds but I'm not patient enough. I need something to be effective right away...in 4wks...
Thanks for listenting...
Re: What kind of person does this make me? CDNgurl: It sounds like you aren't sure what you want from him. Is it that you want him to be invovled with the children? You really can't expect any more from him than that. I'm sorry you are hurting and I'm glad you realize your mistake... but it is too late. You need to let him go. When you tell him you are sorry, you need to be doing it without a motive... without expecting anything in return... and he certainly deserves that.
Let him know the door is open for his children and you will do whatever you need to do to make that happen... but ultimately that is between him and his children.
Re: What kind of person does this make me? Feel: Ok, am I upset at you for not taking a stand and showing your husband that you were angry at him? Yes
I am upset at you for cheating... I am on the other side I was cheated on, regardless man or women!
I read your story and I hear what you are saying... You are not being punished for what you did when it sounds to me like you are wanting to just die! Being punished for what you did is the loss of you husband and family. Hearing your story, not in so many ways, sounds like my STBX... You know deep down inside you love him and you want to try again, but he doesn't because he is content in his life and some what stable... With your boys he is making a big mistake.... but how are you happy with another woman around your kids? Why didn't you think of the after affects it would have on people, specially being a mom an dhaving children?
I am angry at you for doing what you did, but you ahve to get back up on your feet. those children need their mommy... do you want some other woman being a mom to them. NO regardless of the fact!
I feel for you as a woman... but I am not in acceptance for what you did.
My EX comes to me crying for me back adn when I don't give in, he turns into this evil man, he is the one who fucked up now pay... it sound somewhat like a situation I am in but,he is still with the OW, he never was able to prove she was not in his life, or be totally homest with me about everything, so I can maybe start to trust him again! ANd through out whatever marriage I had, I carried a lot of the burden as well, that didn't make me go somewhere and still then when he had it great he walked away! It still hurts....
Re: What kind of person does this make me? jannette Garcia: Ok If I am not mistaken you no longer have feelings for this man. YOu did cheat and yea that was wrong. But I really dont think you were the only one at fault! you were working two jobs, and started to resent him....I mean come on! He was living with you and not helping you financially. That doesnt make it okay for you to cheat, but it shows that he was also the problem. I"m sorry for what your going through. But you know what, you need to stop beating yourself up for what you did. Yea it was wrong, and hopefully you learned from it. Now just focus on you, how to better yourself and forget about what you did to him. He hates you, ok, fine, but if he had been working and you didnt have to work 2 jobs to make ends meet you probably wouldnt have cheated on him! What's done is done...let him go, and he's the one missing out on not seeing his kids grow up. He'll realize this sometime. You should go to therapy and try to better yourself emotionally. Good luck to you.
Re: What kind of person does this make me? Feel: Jannette, you have a point... if lived the life of confort and he was taught a lesson but teh wrong way... now he lives this great life with the other woman doing things and keeping his life in order... that is wrong he should have helped you out...
But then he probably did notice, this is why he stuck by you when you were still witht the other man, ( i did the same, I stuck by my husband too)
But there would come an end, where they would walk, if you didn't show you did love him.
Just like it finally came to an end for me... I finally walked... I was tired of the lies and him still hiding things, if she was so obsessed as he said she was, but yet loved me and his son and wanted to be back home he would have taken action and did the necessary to get her off his back... but still he never showed that he could be trusted....
I know your husband doesn't lover her as he loves you... and he probably at times forces certain feeling out just to make her feel important, but he is still hurting inside, he is probably so angry that now he can't leave a woman who appreciates him, he is content.
You will never love anyone as you did him.... he will always be in your mind! But eventually you will move on... or maybe fate is keeping you at this standstill so your husband can come through and maybe want to try again.
How old are your boys?
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