My story begins lnlsban: I don't open up like this , but this is a great site of caring people. I met my wife in 1990 and we got married in 1997. I thought it was great until I found out about affair #1. She said that I ditched her to go drinking with my buddies the night her best friend died so she had to find comfort with this guy. Fine my fault I will do better.
Fast forward a couple of years and I find out about #2. She said I didn't make her feel important, I didn't ... whatever. This one went on for over a year (she says). My bad I will do better. We move on and have 2 children.
Last year I plan a vacation with another couple to go up north ATVing, so we could spend time together and not worry about daily life or kids. She notifies me the last night that she is seeing him again for the last 1 1/2 years. Again my fault I will be better this time, but at this time I am questioning my self for staying with her. Friends tell me to stay for the children. Fine I will try to improve. Why not? it was all my fault. Right?
8-16-06 I take her out to lunch. We start talking and she tells me that she wants a divorce because she was with him again. But it is not because of the guy that has been apart of our marrage for 6 years. It is because I just don't make her happy.
It has been a week now and I have been trying to get this divorce going but she is stalling. I don't understand. She wanted out for years, I was stupid not to give it to her. Now that I have to get rid of her she won't tell her family or even move out. She now wants to keep the house because she does not want the inconvenience of having to pick up the kids at 5:30 AM.
This actually made me feel better to get this off my chest. Sorry for so long.
Re: My story begins jannette Garcia: Start the divorce papers yourself....you dont deserve to be treated this way. And if she wants out then she should move out, who cares what she wants....she obviously didnt care and kept having affairs! Get your papers going yourself dont wait for her to do it. She probably wont anyways. Good luck to you. We're here to help!
Re: My story begins sylvia3113: Sounds like what she really wanted was for things to go on as they were. Her having affairs and you knowing and forgiving and taking responsibility for them.
Now that she is facing the reality of a divorce and the major changes it entails, she is stalling. Decide what it is that YOU want to do about the situation and take control of your life. She has been calling the shots for many years and walking all over you. Why do you think it is that she doesn't want to tell her family or move out? Shame for what she's done? Embarrassment for what she's done? Fear of what others will think when they find out?
She made her bed and now she must lie in it. Don't bend over backwards to protect her from the fallout. Do what you think is best for you and the children.
Good Luck to you.
CG
Re: My story begins chaotic: You should not feel as though you are responsible for her actions. If she had a problem with your actions, she should have brought them up with you. NOT slept with someone else. That is not how couples are supposed to deal with problems.
I agree. Step up and get the papers started right now. Dont let her continue to walk over you. You took responsibility for her affairs. Now take responsibility for making her see how things will be from now on.
Re: My story begins unsure_anymore: Whoa 2nice,
DO NOT blame yourself for her affairs. She was the one with the issue in your marriage. she was the one who had the affairs. There is no "you" in either of those sentences.
You tried to do the right thing by forgiving her and trying to make things work out. Unfortuanetly you guys probably should have gone to marriage counselling immidiatley after learning abut the first affair. Usually there are underlying issues that a non-judgemental thrid party can help bring to the surface and assist you two in working through them.
I am somewhat in the same boat as you regarding the affairs. I should post my story sometime.
The hardest part for me is knowing that I will not be able to see my son everyday. He is 2 and a half and adores me more than anything. But I digress. This is about you and not me.
I give you credit for finally getting the ball rolling. Start the paperwork and just start working on yourself. Shore up your family and friends because I am sure you are going to need the support. If she doesn't want to tell anyone, you tell them. There is no reason for you to live a lie, you did nothing wrong. By you telling your families, it will force her to come clean and deal with the issue.
Just take care of yourself and your kids and you wil get through this just fine.
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