ARE YOU CRAZY OR WHAT? JASPER: Ok so we finally had it out I knew it was coming how long could this situation stay civil?He feels as if I'm not doing enough to make this relationship workout.What is it I;m suppose to be doing were seperated right he thinks I should still pick him up from work everynight and take him to his house which is 45min from my home and 10min from his!He got mad because my friends birthday was the other day and he wanted me to come over and I told him I couldn't cause we were going out for drinks that night,and he was mad he actually said if he wants to see me it don't matter what else I had planned he should be able to see me when he wants.He shouldn't have to catch the bus home or ask anyone for a ride and he has a wife WTF!These things are not my responsibility any longer and he won't understand that the things I do now are because I want to not because I have to and he is having a hard time understanding that.I dont know what to say or do to make him understand I am not trying to be his wife right now I'm trying to just be me again!
Re: ARE YOU CRAZY OR WHAT? justmenow: Maybe somebody should define "separated" for him. Sounds like he wants the freedom of being separated, but he still wants his married life. Sorry, Bud, but it doesn't work that way. Stop taking him home. Make him figure it out on his own - he's a big boy now. Maybe if everything you do is suddenly gone, the big lightbulb in the sky will go off over his head (after he's done pouting and throwing a tantrum) and he will appreciate what you do for him. If it doesn't go off, then you're better off anyway.
Ugh, from your post, I'd like to slap him a good one... >:(
Re: ARE YOU CRAZY OR WHAT? grober: Jasper,
I don't know why some people think being separated is a "lite" version of being married. ::) He wants all the securities and comforts of being with you, and all the freedoms of being single. Hey, the best of both worlds. Why isn't everyone separated?
The time you spend apart should be for getting intouch with yourself and re-evaluating your relationship. I think it is good you're setting up some boundaries. Hopefully he'll start making use of this time away from you to figure out what his relationship really means to him.
Good luck.
Re: ARE YOU CRAZY OR WHAT? atd74: Jasper,
Yes, in my own experience my ex thought a separation was a "lite" version of being married as well. Couldn't handle. What is it with these guys? They want their cake and eat it too! Sorry, can't happen.
As as FoundMe said, it's great you are setting up boundaries but you have to stick to them. Drop him like a hot potato and move on with this so-called separation for real! No more rides, calls, anything. Cut him off!!!! Stick up for yourself because you are the only one who can!
Re: ARE YOU CRAZY OR WHAT? pilotswife: Tell him you are not his mommy, he already has one of those. Remind him of his age, and ability to make responsible choices for himself.
Don't feel quilty.
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