Every Damn Day abandoned1: A few months out of separation - but have not filed for divorce yet, and I still cannot stop thinking about things regarding our demise, and our now contentious relationship. Most likely our divorce will not be pretty.
There is sooo much involved - but thankfully no kids, no house, or no other big material things. We are not talking - or rather she is not talking to me, although, ironically she is the one who is having the affair and LIVING with her boyfriend. She has misdirected anger towards me - and SHE is the guilty one! She betrayed the marriage! And she has the nerve to be mad at me because a.) I found her out, and proved that she was a liar and having an affair with a guy at work, and b.) I have something (non-material, it's a legal thing) that she needs from me but I won't give her considering everything I've found out despite her lies and secretive nature. Incredible. And she may actually hate me too. Unbelieveable.
I am still sooo angry (at her anger/hatred/decisions) it's not funny - but at the same time, my anger is different than it was before. I'm on the rollercoaster as many of us are, and I have made quite a few trips around the ride, so rather than the absolute rage I felt before it's just anger in my head and bad thoughts/wishes on her and her lover/boyfriend. I can't help myself. I have been doing all I'm supposed to do - keeping busy, etc..., but regardless of what I'm doing, or how much I'm enjoying it - at the end of the day, or during ANY down-time, I still think about her/them EVERY DAMN DAY! When will it end???
I think possibly after the divorce is finalized and I get involved with someone else, but that seems so far away. Somehow I must find the strength for the home stretch.
Re: Every Damn Day madmax: The mind is a terrible thing at times like this. The repetitive hurtful thoughts that go thru it are endless...over and over.
Eventually, the activities you're enjoying will start to fill your mind with different thoughts. For example...I hosted a poker game at my house last Friday. When my great hand got smoked by an even better hand; at that ONE POINT IN TIME, I forgot about my marital situation. ;D Seriously now...I've gotten to the point of having hours without these thoughts because I'm staying busy with other things.
I think its important to let these thoughts occur as part of your healing. Eventually your mind...and you...will get tired of thinking about it and your thoughts will turn to other things. Then, all of this will be nothing but a distant memory.............
Re: Every Damn Day abandoned1: Thanks MadMax, for the reply. I agree with you, and I have now been able to go hours - almost full days without thinking of them, but not a complete day yet. I know she feels like I can't move on, and she's probably lost most of her respect for me due to my snooping - BUT she has someone to support her in an intimate way that I don't. She won't recognize that. I believe she thinks she is better/stronger in this respect than I - but she's wrong, because she has a history of moving from one relationship to another without a break. She NEVER has to grieve for a lost relationship because she won't leave/let go until she's in another. But she refuses to acknowledge any of it, and rather projects things onto her ex, when she should look at herself. That angers me. Anyway.... I know time is the answer. The only question is how long. I suppose I determine that - but it's not easy, that's for sure.
Re: Every Damn Day fly: The time will come you can get through a day, and then even a couple days! I'm sorry you are going through all of this.
