Moving On sheriffben: Yesterday something amazing happened to me out of the blue. I just started feeling happy and cheerful. I had something flash over me - "You Do Not Need Her!!!" - "You may WANT her, but you don't NEED her!" I realized that she really was bringing me down. Before, I just wanted her back so the "pain" would stop. It really hurts finding out your wife has been unfaithful and it hurts thinking about how the past was good and trying to cling on, but in a twisted way - she may have done me a favor...
My wife has deeply seeded psychological and tramatic issues from her child hood, also - she may very well be bipolar like her mom, brother, grandfather, uncles, and everyone else in her family... It is very unfortunate that she thinks she can make dramatic changes in her life and have relations outside the marriage and her problems are over. She is much like her mother in that sense. 'When I do this or get this or have that, my problems will be over and I will be happy' or to blame everything on the outside and run away from the wrong thing - only to realize the grass is not greener and to further chase something outside - something she will never, ever catch. Rather than hold up a mirror to realize that the problem is her and that she is just a miserable person, period - not that it has to be permanent, but she will never resolve it by running away from those who care about her and running to people who could probably care less or who are incapable of truly caring.- she looks for outside solutions to inside problems.
Then she said something in our therapy session that really pissed me off when it dawned on me later. She said, "I am just going to be selfish for once and do something for me..." Yesterday, I actually digested that and remember thinking, she should have replaced "for once" with "like usual." - "I am going to be selfish like usual..." I hate talking like this about my wife because I do very much love her and if I heard anyone say that about her I'd kick their ass. I am just coming to terms that there were things she was doing that I allowed to make myself miserable in our relationship. I lost my backbone and let her run things. I hope this does not come off as anger toward her, as I am not. I am sad for her and I am sad for the path we ended up on, and perhaps it will not be too late for her to correct her heading, but she must make her own choices - I am moving forward with or without her on board.
It dawned on me that I was probably unhappy before she dropped her A-Bomb and I did not even know it. I had given up so much of myself that I lost who I was and brought myself to her level of misery. I truly am very sad for her. She does not yet realize what she has done. She has thrown away her absolute only shred of a chance at a normal and happy life with someone who cared, despite all her revolting baggage. There are few men in the world that will put up with that beyond the physical initial relationship, she had that man and threw him away.
I am moving on and it feels good! I have not thrown away our marriage, I will continue to support the possibility of taking her back, but it will not be without conditions. If she never comes back, life goes on... I realize now that I, despite my flaws, have a lot going on for me and I am not about to let one bad pill in my life take me from that.
When (not if) she realizes the true extent of what she has done and comes to terms with the fact that she really, in the grand scheme of things, hurt herself far more than she hurt me - it may be too late, and that would be tragic, as I don't want to see her suffer - but that is for her to live with, as I have come to understand, people need to be held accountable to the consequences of their choices... I love her, but I do not need her!
MySpace.com/SheriffBen - The above is posted on my blog as well...
Re: Moving On sally_wonder: So good to hear how healthy your take on this unfortunate situation! Great for you!
