So... I'm new to this. magsynchro: I feel pretty emotionally drained these days, but here is my story.
My wife of four years and I met each other one day and hit it off. She was having a rough relationship and I had just gotten out of a horrible one. We hit it off a bit and talked about life and all those things that lead people to beleive they are in love and after only two weeks, I proposed to her. She said yes, and within two months we were married.
Our lives were wonderful and we literally lived to just wake up next to each other. Several months into our marriage, she went and gained employment because she was lonely and stir crazy just staying at home. Though, she refused to go and make friends, or to do anything of a social nature. Clubs, movies, anything involving people she decided not to go.
I lived on, and supported her. I loved her then, and still love her now.
Life went on for us smoothly until she left her first job due to her having issues with the management. A rollercoaster ride of new jobs later, we wind up both being jobless one month, and due to financial complications and over extending ourselves, we file and survive bankruptcy. In our third year of marriage. Life continues to go on though as she has a new job as well as I at the time. We afford our bills once our debt is clear, and then she hurts herself last fall.
She eventually quits her job and I take on a second job to afford the bills as we wait for her workman's comp to clear. During this time, we start to see each other less and less, and then the silence starts. The time we have together began to get cold and lonely.
I asked her what was wrong, and she just used the finances and the work issues as the problem. She assured me over and over she was fine. I didn't know at the time, she had a male friend she had met online she was talking to in a biblical sense.
She began to be upset as she still claims she loves me. Always have and always will she says, but she just used him for the attention and one day he felt bad as he found out she was married and vanished.
That weekend, was the superbowl.
She got a bit drunk, and I having gotten off of two jobs back to back and been up for 37 hours fell asleep while she was discussing all of her issues with complete strangers, my best friend and his ex-wife.
I didn't know it, but my best friend and his ex had already known most of this to some degree.
Somehow, along the way, telling me, confiding in me, and sharing with me her hurt no longer was an option as she was cheating on me over the phone and in text and in video with another man, so she took the next step and slept with my best friend and his ex.
However, if it were just that, I'd be okay, I think. I don't know. But, it's worse.
She had met a man at the superbowl party who was sympathetic to her plight. He and her had a similar interest, or so she thought, and before the threesome, she and he had a moment where they disagreed with each other, but she felt she had ruined our marriage already with the other man she was with over the phone.
So she went through with it.
She went into a deep depression and still wouldn't tell me what was wrong. She told me now that this all happened over the course of the weekend, but since I found out after she confessed that the phone calls at least happened since. The list started with two people, and has grown to six.
Now, I'm not faultless. After asking for the divorce, and trying to deal with my life the only way I could, I found myself doing likewise. I have cheated on my wife, at least I feel that I have, and she knows of it as well.
We're trying to reconcile, I know this all seems haphazard, as it's how i feel... but we are trying.
However, two of the people she cheated on me with are two of her closest friends. My best friend's ex-wife and a long time friend of hers.
I feel terrible asking her to stop talking to them... I feel terrible with her talking to them, and I told her the other day I can't handle it emotionally... and she told me it wasn't fair to ask her to choose between her only two friends she's kept.. and me.
So.. that's my story, as much as I can think of right now...
I hope no one else ever has to go through what I've gone through and am going through, but I had to put my story out there for some form of sanity.
Re: So... I'm new to this. Balist: We have all been there and it will take time. Sounds like you and your stbx have some issues to sort through. Right now you need to concentrate on yourself. I would recommend going to a therapist and follow the no contact rule and stop talking to her for a while.
This is an emotional rollercoaster and know that this is a great board and no matter what the circumstances we all support each other.
Hang in there.
Re: So... I'm new to this. WhiskeyGirl: Anyone who would knowingly come between you and your wife is NO friend of either of yours.
Friends try to not only nurture you....but also your relationship.....they don't offer up a threesome at a vulnerable time.
I would say keeping up a "friendship" with these two is just making sure you don't have a chance.....don't feel bad at all for telling her she's going to have to stop contact...with friends like those...who needs enemies?
I'm really sorry :-\
Re: So... I'm new to this. TeddyR: Quote:
"and she told me it wasn't fair to ask her to choose between her only two friends she's kept.. and me."
Well life isn't fair anyhow and her "friends" should be the least of her worries if she wants to overcome the obstacles and stay married to you.This is a small favor to ask of her,considering the way you understandably feel toward them.Where she actually has to make a choice between you and a couple of "friends" speaks volumes itself.
I totally agree with WG,that these people who came between you and your wife are certainly not "friends".They may have been her's,but they did not help her out at all except use her as a pawn in their own personal agenda and leave her to deal with the fallout from it.
Re: So... I'm new to this. iya: welcome to the board by the way. hang in there. i have to agree with teddy and wg. anyone who would come between you and your wife really is no "friend" at all. if they really were your friends, they would have helped talked your wife thru her issues not offer up a threesome. drop those "friends" and find some better people who are worthy to be called your friend. it sounds like you have both hurt each other and you will definately need to get some professional help to overcome the issues. best of luck to you and your spouse
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