Why can't I get my act together? tara: Most of my life is very good...
I have a man who loves me and who will be there for me, even when he needs me to be there for him.
I'm enjoying law school.
I'm financially secure (which, considering the whole "law school" thing, is amazing).
I'm making new friends.
I have a smart, funny, loving almost-stepdaughter.
I'm on good terms with my ex.
I'm the leader of a very successful social/political group, and have some (small) local notariety as a result.
However, as I've vented before, two problems have come up:
1. My grandmother is sick, but across the country
2.J's ex is considering (possibly seriously, possibly just venting herself) moving their child out of state. This means we're either in for uncertainty (waiting for the next 14 years for the other shoe to drop) or a nasty custody battle or both.
I pride myself on my ability to stay calm and logical during times of stress. I switch into commander mode, bark orders, get things done.
Yet, for the last two days, I've been unable to do much other than go to school.
J even saw me cry for possibly only the second or third time in our relationship (which began almost two years ago). And this time, I was crying when I should have been helping him.
J and kiddo left this morning to visit family (I'm staying home -- see "law school"), which would normally be a welcome respite but it was hard saying goodbye. Even for three days.
I can't stand being irrational and emotional, even if it is for rational reasons. I know it's plenty rational to be upset about my grandmother and J's situation...but my normal crisis response isn't working.
One silver lining, I guess: If I had any doubts before, I'm absolutely certain now that J and I belong together. We have something worth fighting for...even if it means supporting him through a nasty custody battle. Even though, if he loses, I probably wouldn't see my stepdaughter very often at all (he'd visit more frequently, but she's too young to fly alone and flying us both out to the East Coast would be cost prohibitive, as while the court would likely order his ex to pick up a significant chunk of the travel costs -- if not all of it, because she's making the choice -- it wouldn't include my costs). Just a few weeks at summer and maybe every other Christmas.
It's still worth it.
But I need to snap out of this so I can function for the next few days.
I haven't been this unable to deal since my separation.
Suggestions? (And thanks.)
Re: Why can't I get my act together? Feel: You need to be strong for him and honest... so what you cried, he loves you right, you guys are there for eachother!
In regards to the X bringing her daughter to another state, your in law, you know she can't unless he doesn't have custody... if he doesn't and he is a good father then tell him to get a big loan out and fight for his daughter!
Re: Why can't I get my act together? tara: [quote author=Feel link=topic=34051.msg353614#msg353614 date=1157123937">
In regards to the X bringing her daughter to another state, your in law, you know she can't unless he doesn't have custody... if he doesn't and he is a good father then tell him to get a big loan out and fight for his daughter!
[/quote">
Yeah, I know she *can't* do it without his permission, but she can also go to court to get permission.
And he can fight it...she can't, at least not without a significant hardship...she has no assets, and crappy credit. He's got money -- not millions, but enough. He doesn't want to bankrupt the mother of his daughter, but if it comes to it, that's what will happen.
Because she has more time with her daughter than he does, the burden is on him to prove why it's a BAD IDEA to move their child. (Her likey counter-arguments: He can still visit, he can still have a good chunk of summer, there are more opportunities for employment out east, we have web cams and telephones, blah blah blah. His argument: Even one weekend a month would be cost-prohibitive, as it involves flights and hotels and such, and it would essentially render him a "disneyland dad." He wouldn't be involved in any day-to-day parenting.)
I looked at some case law (hey, a 1L with a lexis password is good for something) and it's all over the place. The courts here have broad discretion and can basically do what they want in a case like this, so long as they can state why the parent-child relationship will still be OK with that arrangement.
I'm just wondering whether this will turn into a fight to keep his ex in the state...or a fight to keep his daughter in the state after his ex moves.
Re: Why can't I get my act together? Feel: what about the simple fact is that he wants to be more apart of her life and being taht he is in a better state than the mother he can be more helpful towards his childs needs as well be apart of any curicular activities she may need and want to do!
Re: Why can't I get my act together? tara: [quote author=Feel link=topic=34051.msg353643#msg353643 date=1157125048">
what about the simple fact is that he wants to be more apart of her life and being taht he is in a better state than the mother he can be more helpful towards his childs needs as well be apart of any curicular activities she may need and want to do!
[/quote">
It's really, unfortunately, a cost-benefit analysis.
If the ex can prove that J will still be able to maintain a relationship with kiddo, and that the rest of the circumstances of the move are in best interest of the child (great school, family, employment opportunities, etc.), J will have a hard time overcoming that. It's not impossible -- I really don't know whether it would be likely or not -- but it's tough.
I am feeling a bit better, though...I have a sandwich in me and I vented at another law student, who has a kid from a former marriage herself, and she told me her move -- to attend a Ph.D. program she'd already gotten into -- was denied, even though Dad was a drug addict who a year later signed over his parental rights (her second husband adopted her son). Apparently, moves are hard to justify when it's not a matter of "move or die" or "move or lose my job," etc.
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