my story surprised: I am at work, so I will have to give the short version. Though it's a pretty concise story anyway. My boyfriend and I had been together for 10 years. I have always known what I want from the future (marriage and a family, not necessarily in that order). And I always knew he didn't know what he wanted. We were always honest about those things with one another. But we loved each other, so we stayed together. Well, two weeks ago he told me that picture of the future which made me so happy made him feel trapped and he just couldn't do it. (We were about to move back in together and the move kind of signified everything I wanted and everything he was still unsure of). And he doesn't know if he will ever want that, so since it's not fair to me to continue a relationship that may never go where I want it to, we had to break up. So that's it. I just feel so lost. I feel like we can't just leave 10 years behind like it doesn't even matter. I keep telling myself he'll realize that I'm worth it and come back. I just feel like he's not giving himself the chance to recognize that that future could make him happy. I've vented to my friends and family so much, I needed a new source. So glad I found this website. Any advice, opinions, thoughts, support would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
Re: my story big_daddy: I'm sorry to hear that your hurting, the OJAR community is fabulous and I think you will find it a great resource to help you through these tough times.
Quite honestly, I think that the way you both seemed to have approached this, with honesty and openess is admirable. There is probably no doubt in the sincerity of your love, on either of your part. However, you do seem to have fundamental differences of opinions in respect to your futures. It may not be easy to accept, or what either of you necessarily wanted. But it also appears that you both respect each other's future ambitions enough to acknowledge that it may not be in your best interests.
Until you give up, or accept what you interpret to be the bottom line, there is always hope, and always a chance that things may change. Only you will know exactly where that point is. If it doesn't work out, don't consider it 10 years left behind, because chances are they were 10 years full of life and memories. You aren't throwing them away if it doesn't work, you are making way for new opportunities in life, new memories.
Re: my story surprised: Thanks for the response. I think that's the problem. It's especially hard because I know we both love each other very much. We have spoken a couple times in the past two weeks and I know this is killing him as much as it's killing me. My problem right now, and I haven't told my family this is, I emailed and spoke with him on Monday. Initially I felt much better afterwords because I felt that I had laid my cards on the table and said all I needed to say. But now I am waiting for a response from him. I basically told him if he just needed a little time and space that that was okay, but that I needed to know if he really thought things were over. And I told him not to rush a response because it was too important a question to answer just like that. But now I'm getting antsy and just want to hear back from him. Then there is always the very real possibility that when I hear back from him, it won't be what I'm hoping to hear. And I feel a little weak for having broken all the break up rules (no contact, etc.), so I haven't told my family or friends about Monday's communication, it actually feels kind of good to tell a stranger just to get it off my chest.
Re: my story brielle123: That's what we are here for at OJAR! To get our feelings out!! It helps so much and really it has become somewhat of a daily therapy regimin for me. I am so sorry that you are going through this right now, I know that it hurts worse than anything that you could ever imagine and it seems as if nothing can take the pain away....but it does get easier, and 10 years is a long time to spend with someone, so don't expect to heal overnight...it is a process. One of which many of us here at OJAR are experiencing and will still be experiencing for some time.
The no contact thing is hard to deal with, I know I have trouble with it on a daily basis. Give him some time, like you said...this is a big decision that he must make and you don't want to him to hurry and say something that he might regret later. Hang in there, I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but you WILL be ok no matter what the outcome is....take care....
Re: my story monkeygirl: You're not going to want to hear this, but I'm sure you know the old saying... if you love someone, set them free...etc. It's true. If it was meant to be, he'll be back.
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