She's writing notes to him Lance: So basically my wife has been back for a month and a half. It has been rocky at best. Usually when we argue it's because I start it, because it's the only show of emotions I get from her. No intimacy, none of the warm feelings like were there so long ago. When she first moved back in I was having trust issues with her, mainly because she moved straight out of here and moved in with someone else. I rummaged through her purse late one night and found an old note she wrote him before she left him , in which she stated she loved him more than anyone she's been with.
I let that slide, never mentioned it because I basically violated her trust as well as she had mine. Told myself I'd never let myself down by doing that again. I figured if I couldn't trust her, or if she was going to leave, then either way there was nothing I could do to stop the inevitable, and that there was no sense in me finding things that weren't meant for me to see.
Well last night after yet another failed attempt at intimacy, I did it again. What I found was a more recent, yet unfinished , letter to him, dated 8-27-06. In this letter she states how much of a loser he is, and how she feels it's a shame she tought him to F--k so well. That it was a shame she gave up everything, life, emotion, credit, family, for such a loser. The last thing she wrote was that she guessed she would move back in with her husband, let him pay the bills, and live in the big house and drive nice things. And that eventually she would get a job, and start her life with no help from anyone.
I feel so dead inside for her now, like she has for me since a week or two after she came back. And now I know why. She forced me into a new lifestyle once, and unexpectedly it started to turn out for the good because I worked on myself. Then when I was making real progress, she came back. I am tired of this feeling of being torn apart by her. Is she just playing some sort of screwed up head trip? Were her feelings for me EVER genuine?
Re: She's writing notes to him ajw: I think she's doing it to make her life easier......yes she probably regrets the OM,but i think she's back because she was not strong enough to put her own life back together.
I fear 6 months from now,the cycle will just start again.........i personally think you should cut your losses now and get out of this,before you get re-invested in this woman who is basically an emotional black hole...
sorry...but thats what i think........
Re: She's writing notes to him newts: Lance,
I am so sorry. It's time to say goodbye. If you can't trust your partner and she can't trust you what is the point?
Soild relationships are built on trust and resepect and I don't think either one of you are fully prepared to give the 100% that is needed to make any relationship work.
I am sorry my friend - you just need to stop walking on egg shells - what successful relationship have you ever heard of that has no intimacy?
Re: She's writing notes to him crushedman: I see this sort of thing over and over and over again. It's so common for people that have affairs to act this way. My opinion- the amount of destruction, pain and suffering that they have caused is difficult to face. It's a defense mechanism to remain cold and aloof. Is it possible to have a heart to heart with her right now? As difficult as it may seem, if you want this reconciliation to work you are going to have to put your feelings aside for a time and try to help her. Shoving her actions down her throat will not work. It sucks. This is one of the many reasons that having an affair is a bad decision- you have to deal with the consequences of HER actions. Good luck, bro. Since this whole thing went down you've become a very very strong person. I'll be pulling for you.
cm
Re: She's writing notes to him Lance: Crushed,
I have swallowed my pride various times and not immediately reacted to some of her more questionable comments. I try very hard not to shove her actions down her throat but after a while I just can't take keeping my mouth shut about it anymore. I realize if I am to make this marriage work I have to put myself aside, you are right there. I see now, for the first time in my life, just how much of a sacrifice the choice of taking those vows can be. I used to be so overly emotional towards things, but lately with me trying to force myself to take a step or two back I realize that it teaches me to keep my emotions at bay and become more rational. Even if in doing so means letting those thoughts eat me up inside. I guess I am in a way trying to shut down certain emotions lately because it seems letting them run my life does no good. But then shit happens and I make a misstep and find what I should not see... as in this currenet dilemna.
It's clear to me she still feels for this guy, and when I tried to get her to admit this to me on her own, she accuses me of verbally attacking her. Yes I tried forcing the truth out of her and she would not budge, and in her response I told her as much as this may come across as an attack to you now you know that I have not put you through the crap and made you to feel like crap about yourself like he has and yet you are still holding out for him.
Crushed this probably isn't making any sense, and I know that control is just an illusion, but it is so frustrating to feel this lack of order, harmony, whatever. I think as strong as I force myself to be sometimes I am just going crazy inside.
Bottom line is I cannot just give up. I would like to think she is here because she loves me, and because she sees that I still love her. I let her slip away once, because I started checking my marital responsibilities at the door when I'd come home from work. She is here right now, this marriage is not a complete bust. It feels like it is a losing battle sometimes though, I will acknowledge that. I guess I need to try and figure out what has kept us in each other's hearts all these years and focus on that.
How many battles before I surrender and sign the truce? The court date still looms.
Sorry this post is all over the board.
Click More for the next page.
