Am I Not Ready? momuv3: Its been now 9 weeks since my stbxh left. Papers have supposedly been filed by him, but I have yet to recieve him. There are no words indicating a change or reconciliation. He seems to be moving on quite nice with his life from what I gather. I did pass him on the road and it looked like he was heading out of town for the weekend.
Last night my girlfriend, her brother, and uncle went out to dinner. she asked me to go and told me that her brother is in town for a few days from out of state and wants to know if I want to join them. he has a girlfriend back where he lives, but they are not real serious. My girlfriend is doing whatever she can to get me out of the house. I have been out to dinner a few times and thats always been with just her. So I went and it was really fun. This guy was nice looking, nice, seemed totally into what I was saying and occasionally sorta accidentally brushed along my back. I was a nervous wreck and anxiety ridden but i liked it I think.
After dinner they wanted to go to the club. I live in a small town and you know everyone there. First person we walk into was my stbxh's best friend. This guy literally looks at me and then at him (brother). He didn't even put together we were in a big group. So then the panic sets in, OMG does he think we are a couple? he is probably on his phone right now with stbxh. We actually ran into quite a few people that would start talking about it. I hated it at that moment. I think the people I was with noticed it too about me. I only stayed 30 minutes.
Here is the biggest mistake I made. On my way home I was feeling really low. I did a drive by my stbxh's house and it looked like he was truly gone for the weekend. My mind starts going a million miles an hour with all kinds of bad things.
So here I am, my life sucks because I can't get over my loser ex. Why can't I just move on and be happy. I feel so stuck in a rut of torture and misery. I have literally been up most of the night wondering what he was doing, who he was with, was he with his kids or with a woman?
Am I not ready to start dating or go out? I am so sick of sitting home and going nowhere in my mind. How do you get yourself past all of this?
Re: Am I Not Ready? EssieDotCom: girl it's been a year t his oct that dh and i seperated but no papers were filed or anything.... one day my husband wants nothinig more to do with me and few months later he wants to work on things.... so how do i do this? I feel like i've dug myself an emotional hole and have been in it for this past year. Sure I go out with an old friend every once in a while but my life has been on hold since april of this year... since he decided he wanted to work on things. Do I move foward, do I lean back... I need answers! Even when he told me he wanted nothing more to do with me it was hard to move on. it could take months .... i went out with friends and I delt with it... but i wasn't happy i started to become that way... but I wasnt. it's not easy to say when you are ready; it's a feeling you get.... for me it's hard to say b/c i'm very stubborn. i know that if i really felt i had to I would... just not right now I"m so confused about all of this..... when are you really ready, only you can answer that.
Re: Am I Not Ready? Whirlpool: Mom, I hate to tell you this but 9 weeks is hardly any time at all for getting over such a bad thing. Experts say it can take a normal person 5 years to get over a divorce, and that even the death of a spouse is much easier to deal with. Don't rush it, my rule of thumb is when you don't feel the need to be with someone and you are not still dwelling over your ex you are ready. This is not to say you cannot go out and have a good time, just be honest with yourself and where you stand emotionally.
Re: Am I Not Ready? guest233: Hey MOM, I posted on something similar to this just the other day. Here's the link.
http://ojar.com/boards/index.php/topic,34024.from1157212995/topicseen.html#msg354598
I got many great replies. I hope it helps.
Re: Am I Not Ready? superwife: Mom and TS:
No matter what anyone tells you, you need to come to this discovery on your own. It's like a 'trial and error' thing. You will both likely try it (again- in your case -TS). I know this b/c I did not listen to people's advice. I needed to find this out on my own.
At 9 weeks, my ex moved out. 4 weeks later, I was 'out there', and 5 weeks later, I had me a full blown bf. I guess we were both on the same page at that point, looking to fill a void. Fortunately, it did not end that badly, but it did end nonetheless (I ended it, and he was hurt, but I think he has gotten over it :-\).
Now, I am so unbelievably comfortable with my situation (this week, at least :D). I realized that I am not ready to do that again just yet. I spent 15 of my 32 years in 2 committed relationships, and I know that now, I need to live my life, and experience what life has to offer. This is a chance to start over. Hopefully you guys will come to this realization, but for everyone, it comes at different times :).
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