Re: I'm tired mariher: I have given him 4 months already. That has been enough time for him to have saved up to get his place. I will try and see how I can get us both on some common ground. I am going to talk to him but I know it's going to be a difficult task because he blows up and starts saying really mean things to me when I try talking to him. He feels alot of animosity towards me so I'm trying to figure out how to go about it because my aggravation is very apparent.
Re: I'm tired trying to cope in Ky: hey mariher,
I had this same prob. with my ex. We weren't divorced yet but he was coming to my house all the time and even tho he NEVER lived here he would raid my fridge. It drove me nuts he never pd for anything in here let alone the food for me and my 5 kids. He had his own place but didn't have enough money for food cuz he got a place out of his league. Oh well not my fault. After month of him doing this I finally just told him to quit coming by. I couldn't handle it as it broke my heart when he did. It was like he was picking a scab off just to watch me bleed. I then cut off all contact for a week and he went crazy and got the point. He then told me that he would just come get the boys and take them somewhere. I began to meet him and dropped them off. Now he just doesn't come get them at all very often. :'( >:( Sad for them but now he has better things to do with his time besides his boys. They want their daddy so bad and it hurts to see them upset about it. So, having said all that you really need to choose what is more important. Him spending time with his daughter and you swallowing your feelings for a while or him not seeing her at all. I know it isn't easy but wish I had just kept my mouth shut but at the time I was hurting so much!!!!
Confused in KY
Re: I'm tired joshie21: It's a shame that a person has to bend over backwards and give so much just to get their ex to spend time with the babies, and if you don't do all that stuff, it's no guarantee that he's gonna make an effort. why can't they just do stuff for the kids and stop being selfish?
Re: I'm tired mariher: I wish it were that simple :D
Update to my first post from yesterday: So yesterday my daughter was with my mom while I was working. I told my mom that I was going to spend the night at her house with the baby in order to get to work early this morning. So last night, I get to my mother's house and who just happens to be there? My X. So I'm surprised because he hasn't come by to see her at my mom's house for a long time. I said hello, how you doing, etc..So I was there sitting on the sofa and he's on the other end of the sofa, and our daughter's playing with her toys and running around and I'm thinking okay, this sucks :-\
When I had my back turned a few times I caught him staring at me with such a resentful stare when my mom wasn't looking. I should have walked out of the house and left him there to spend time with the baby alone. That really angered me and it makes me feel like we shouldn't do "visitations" together. Oh and the icing on the cake, I ask him if he's been saving up his money to get his own place, he has the audacity to tell me "I'll save money when I'm ready." What the hell is that? Right now he's living in a 2 bedroom apartment with 4 other guys. If he isn't making an effort to get his own place in where he can take his daughter to be with him, then why the hell should I be so accomodating to him? He isn't meeting me half way with this. If it were me, i'd already be setting something up to be in my own place. He is such a loser. He has spent his entire life living rent free with his parents. He's doing the same with these 4 guys (maybe giving them a few bucks just to keep them quiet) and the fact that he doesn't grab his responsibilites by the reins and do what he has to do pisses me off >:(
I have had to grow up and become an adult and pay bills and rent and put food in my daughter's mouth and clothes on her back. I've pushed myself to strive for what I have. Why, why, why should I be accomodating to him?
Re: I'm tired Fendann: It is NOT your responsibility to accomodate him, so don't feel that it is. try and give him a little nudge.....say "Look, I don't want you to come over here and visit our daughter any more, so you'll need to find your own apartment." See what he says. It could show you that he is willing to get his own place and man-up, or it could show you that he is only using your daughter to annoy you...only coming to visit at your apartment, or only visiting her at your mother's house when he knows you will be there while he is. That is a very ballsy tactic that my sister's ex uses all the time...it makes you all warm and fuzzy when your father is willing to clean his gun in front of the ex, staring at him the entire time with a huge grin on his face.... ;D ;D
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