Re: The male mind? sarahsdad: Too me this one seems pretty easy, your boyfriend doesnt want kids. Good for him to realize that now and not once the child is born.
After reading some of your older posts it seems that you had different plans for your future. You wanted the marriage and kids, he didnt. If you want HIM back then tell him so, but it seems to me that you only want him if his vision of the future matches your own.
Re: The male mind? twiceover411: Harold and Spike gave some great advice here....
My fiance and I split after 3 years....I know this is a little off, but your are NOT married unless you have that piece of paper.
I learned the hard way when, after living together 2 years, acquiring 2 investments properties, a Jaguar, a truck, a home, expensive frnishings, all in his name (better credit), when he told me to leave, I LEFT WITH NOTHING! I have no legal leg to stand on.
But, getting back, people have told me "they always come back" especially if it was a realtively good relationship.
Surprised, my rother as married 3 years when his wife wanted kids....they separated for 6 months....he told me the same story you wrote....he was not sure that was the direction in life he wanted when faced with that question.
They got back together, and are STRONGER now than before. They just celebrated anniversay 6.
Re: The male mind? surprised: Twice,
I keep thinking that if we end up back together, at least I will know that it is definitely what we both want, and we will be happier and stronger. I just hate this awful painful feeling in the meantime. My sister and her husband broke up for a year or two before they got married, for pretty much the same reasons, and they are really happy now, with baby number 2 on the way. As much as that gives me hope, I am afraid of false hope. I can't go on forever thinking we'll reconcile, if he shows no signs of wanting to. See, this is what I can't stand, this limbo. I need to move on with my life, but ten years it too long to just brush off. And this is the circular reasoning I have been spending my days in. But anyway, thanks for the story. And I am sorry for what you are going through too.
Re: The male mind? tygerseye04: Hi, :)
It is really important to be married when you are in a committed relationship. I never knew how important all that legal stuff is until my last relationship, where my partner was in the military. Then, marriage is essential. The military pretty much looks on you as a whore if you are not married, and there are no job prospects in military towns so if you are not married, you are totally dependent on your spouse. If he goes nuts or just decides to dump you, then you are out of luck because you are not protected under the law at all.
Because of my experience, I finally understand why my friend "S" told her boyfriend that she wouldn't move to be with him unless she was married. She was smart (she was also a lawyer) and understood all that legal stuff. She also had a high degree of self-worth, and wouldn't settle for a man who said he loved her but wasn't willing to protect her.
Her boyfriend really loved her, because when he realized that he was putting everything in her life at risk by asking her to move with him, he married her. Everything worked out though...even though she studied law in florida, she also managed to pass the California bar (which is the hardest one to pass) AND get a job.
But isn't this also a sign of love?--S's hubby told his clinic in California that he wouldn't accept his job offer unless they found a position at a law firm for his wife, because he knew she would be miserable without a job. So his vet clinic went looking and found her a job as well. Isn't that cool?!)
Anyway, in the future I will never do a quasi-committed relationship again. It's like playing house...it's immature and illogical. Plus, I don't think it shows a high respect for the love you share as a couple.
d.
Re: The male mind? surprised: Tyger,
I have to say, I find the marriage question a matter of opinion. For some people, they have to be married. I have a friend who will NOT have a live in relationship unless it's marriage. But for me, personally, I wasn't too concerned about the marriage aspect of it. I felt that we were truly committed to one another and had a marriage in every aspect, except the legal. Plus I have a good job, my car is paid off and I bought my own home. So I never depended on him for any of that stuff. And vice versa, he has all his own stuff on his own. So at least we don't have to deal with any separation of belongings and finances. We did live together for a time, and we were about to move back in together when all this happened. We kept all our finances separate when we lived together and we were happy (I only moved out for family reasons) and I still have hope that things will work and we will be happy again. Whether or not the state sanctions our happiness is yet to be seen.
P.S. I hope you don't think I'm being argumentative or anything, I just wanted to share my opinion.
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