Why am I sooo stupid and weak? faraday: So everyone knows what was going on last night- it was pretty bad- so I went to bed but heard him talking to himself about how he was being an ass so I went downstairs and we talked a little then he went out for a bit (to the bar down the street) and I went upstairs to watch TV in bed- he calls me when he gets home on my cell so the baby (not a baby) won't wake up and asks me to come down and talk and I did- he started talking about how much fun we used to have and how much he missed me and I went to walk away and he put his arms around me and told me how much he loved me and missed me and I caved- I gave in to it- I MISS HIM SO MUCH- there was nothing that could have stopped me- and it was beautiful so beautiful like the first time we were together when nothing mattered but us- and it was all night and it was so emotional and then we fell asleep in our bed together and woke up together and did it again- (ironic that I get it now that he wants a divorce when it was like the Sahara for months ;D), so i thought stupidly, maybe this is a start to reconcile- but no he made sure I knew that before I left for work this morning- so why was I soo stupid? Why couldn't I walk away? Now I am sitting here at work crying my eyes out- why am I such an indiot? And still I can't get mad, can't hate him, stil lmiss him- I just want this pain to go away
Re: Why am I sooo stupid and weak? Feel: Please Fart, you are not an idiot, you really have nothing else adn you are dependant on him. He makes you feel that you owe him, it is understandable when you want to not leave someon so badly!
YOu need to get out of this situatin though, he will treat you again like shit and next week want it again, especially when the OW isn't around!
Youa re like fresh meat to him again when he doesn't have you! YOu need to get away, out of that environment to be on your own with your daughter... you don't want her to grow up needy or deopendant on someone as you are showing her now!
She needs to see a strong mommy, even if you ahve to make yourself look like shit to help keep him away, (i know silly me, who am I kiding, as long as your there he will try) you need to find someone to talk to, have you done any of that yet?
What about your inlaws, anything?
Re: Why am I sooo stupid and weak? faraday: I see a psychiatrist once a week and I have legal aid intake today at lunch- I have alrady researched and written out what is needed from him and division of custody- I get residential custody (not sure if that is the right word)- I have the paperwork off the internet- and I have been to 3 apartments this week- it only has been a week- I know that nothing is gonna change but why do I have to still feel weak at the knees when he is near me? Why does he affect me like this knowing what I know? I am doing what I am supposed to but I don't have the physical or emotional resistance to him that I need and this is where it gets me- the morning after feeling like a prostitute that didn't get paid
Re: Why am I sooo stupid and weak? yella: Hey Girl...
First, you're NOT weak and you're NOT stupid. You love him, and you made a mistake. It's the same mistake just about every single one of us had made, so try not to beat yourself up for it. In fact, look at it from a more positive side. You know what kind of person he is, and what he "doesn't" want. Now is the time to get angry, and use the anger to not give in the next time. And there will probably be a next time.
Your feelings are very understandable as we all feel weak and like failures after something like this, but you know what? It's OK! It's ok to make mistakes and to learn from them, and it's ok to feel. It shows that you still have a heart.
This is your opportunity to stand up for yourself and take a stand. But, if you happen to fall again, all hope is not lost. You just pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and move ahead. The reality is that this is something that might have to cycle through until it stops, but it doesn't make you weak, just vulnerable. You're not wrong.
You'll get stronger, but you have to remind yourself that this was just a mistake, and you can work to avoid it again. One step at a time.
Re: Why am I sooo stupid and weak? So_Lost: [quote author=Feel link=topic=34530.msg360215#msg360215 date=1158064579">
Please Fart, you are not an idiot
[/quote">
You want her to fart so she knows she isnt an idiot??? ;D
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