Angry Again abandoned1: Damn!t I'm angry at the stbxw decisions again. >:(
Nothing's changed in months, and the divorce is definately still on, and no reconciliation is possible, and I'm okay with that - I'm just still cycling through emotions - but as usual it's pretty much anger that I feel these days.
I feel mostly indifferent toward her now, it's just that I can't help feel angry at her for her decisions. It sucks that she can make a decision for both of us, and I MUST accept it. If one person wants to end the marriage, then the marriage ends. It sucks to be powerless in a decision you don't agree with, and because it's a marriage (the sanctity in which I held in the highest regard) it makes it all the worse. This isn't just boyfriend and girlfriend, this is husband and wife, supposedly in a lifetime commitment of a future together, in good times, and bad. It makes it worse that she was having an affair I didn't know about, as I was trying to work it out with her. I could not understand how she just turned off her feelings, and was so cold, and so sure. I had no idea why I couldn't talk to her, and why she was so unwilling. Of course, months later, now I know.
It makes me so angry that this other guy has so much influence over her, and she lets him interfere with our marital business. I'm also angry that she is THOROUGHLY involved with him. He has truly taken over my role as her husband. UNBELIEVABLE. They are living together, and getting tied together as if they were married - and we aren't divorced yet! We haven't even filed yet (because we can't yet, our manditory separation time for our jurisdicition hasn't passed). I just can't stand the thought of him manipulating my wife - and she just can't or won't see it. IT JUST PISSES ME OFF! I mad at her for letting herself be played by this guy. I just wish I could make her see it - but I suppose it's not my place to do so anymore as our intention is to go through with the divorce. The "fog" will hopefully lift for her someday in the near future, as I want to be around when she decides she wants to vent about it.
This is typical of what she does though. I of course know her very well, and I know her relationship history (she goes from one relationship right into another. Never any true grieving period as there is always a new guy there as the prior relationship ends), and I thought she'd change, and stay committed after our marriage - but of course she didn't. I have to take a lot of the blame for marrying her in the first place. I gambled. And I lost.
I simply want this anger, and negative energy to disappear because I know it's not healthy, I know it's aging me - literally, beyond my years. I can see it when I stare at myself in the mirror. It saddens me to see the toll this whole mess has taken on me. I can SEE it, physically, and that's sad.
And sometimes I still can't believe all this is happening. It's just crazy. I am getting divorced. My wife is living with another man (I use the term "man" very loosely). I will never get it. Even after I move on, and get involved with someone else. Anyway...
Thanks for letting me vent!
Re: Angry Again hr: I feel for you on this one. I have been there so many times. My stbx does this to. He can't be alone at all. I get replaced (if thats what you call it) immediately. I don't think he has been alone one day in his life. I am learning through all of this that we will be the ones better off. It takes work to move on after such a trama. I don't know your wife, but I know my husband and he is emotionally unstable. He only thinks about himself and one day all of their choices are going to catch up to them and it won't be roses anymore. You hang in there. I hope your anger passes soon. Better things will come after. Put your chin up. Peace will eventually come to you. Then happier days follow.
Re: Angry Again Fendann: What do you mean that your manditory separation time for your jurisdicition hasn't passed? If she committed adultery, then that gives you grounds for an immediate filing....She doesn't get any say in the matter, does not pass go, and gets sewn shut for 30 years.....well, you get the picture...
Re: Angry Again abandoned1: We are in a "no-fault" state. Adultery/fault does not matter. The only grounds are 6mo.-1year of "mutual and voluntary" separation. I just don't understand why I have to wait this long to rid myself of this mess. If there is no chance at reconciliation - then what's the wait for??? I really wish we'd have done the "Vegas" thing and got married there, then I'd be done with this mess.
Change, thanks, I know you're right, it's all just a matter of time. And yes, I will keep my chin up, and eventually find peace of mind.
Re: Angry Again Fendann: No-fault states usually have grounds for "irreconcilable differences", though...
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