Re: Angry Again gabefredrick: While I wasn't married to her my ex did the same thing and followed the same patterns as yours. I am partially to blame because I started seeing her before she left the guy before me. I told myself that I was different, that this time it was love, and that she wouldn't do that to me... people don't change.
Trust me when I say, she doesn't love this guy. She's filling a bottomless hole with just another person. One day, maybe not tomorrow or next year, but one day her path will catch up with her and the pain you feel now will be nothing compared to the emptiness she will feel. While that type of vengeful feeling might not be healthy, its the way the universe works. You've chosen to feel loss instead of simply replacing it with the next closest something/someone and you will grow stronger for it. Someone will recognize that in you and it will make all of this seem like a distant bad dream.
Be well
Re: Angry Again abandoned1: I haven't talked to an attorney yet - although I know I really need to. I've read a lot though, and it seems as if I just have to wait. I'm gonna see an attorney soon though - I promise myself that.
Angry Again abandoned1: Damn!t I'm angry at the stbxw decisions again. >:(
Nothing's changed in months, and the divorce is definately still on, and no reconciliation is possible, and I'm okay with that - I'm just still cycling through emotions - but as usual it's pretty much anger that I feel these days.
I feel mostly indifferent toward her now, it's just that I can't help feel angry at her for her decisions. It sucks that she can make a decision for both of us, and I MUST accept it. If one person wants to end the marriage, then the marriage ends. It sucks to be powerless in a decision you don't agree with, and because it's a marriage (the sanctity in which I held in the highest regard) it makes it all the worse. This isn't just boyfriend and girlfriend, this is husband and wife, supposedly in a lifetime commitment of a future together, in good times, and bad. It makes it worse that she was having an affair I didn't know about, as I was trying to work it out with her. I could not understand how she just turned off her feelings, and was so cold, and so sure. I had no idea why I couldn't talk to her, and why she was so unwilling. Of course, months later, now I know.
It makes me so angry that this other guy has so much influence over her, and she lets him interfere with our marital business. I'm also angry that she is THOROUGHLY involved with him. He has truly taken over my role as her husband. UNBELIEVABLE. They are living together, and getting tied together as if they were married - and we aren't divorced yet! We haven't even filed yet (because we can't yet, our manditory separation time for our jurisdicition hasn't passed). I just can't stand the thought of him manipulating my wife - and she just can't or won't see it. IT JUST PISSES ME OFF! I mad at her for letting herself be played by this guy. I just wish I could make her see it - but I suppose it's not my place to do so anymore as our intention is to go through with the divorce. The "fog" will hopefully lift for her someday in the near future, as I want to be around when she decides she wants to vent about it.
This is typical of what she does though. I of course know her very well, and I know her relationship history (she goes from one relationship right into another. Never any true grieving period as there is always a new guy there as the prior relationship ends), and I thought she'd change, and stay committed after our marriage - but of course she didn't. I have to take a lot of the blame for marrying her in the first place. I gambled. And I lost.
I simply want this anger, and negative energy to disappear because I know it's not healthy, I know it's aging me - literally, beyond my years. I can see it when I stare at myself in the mirror. It saddens me to see the toll this whole mess has taken on me. I can SEE it, physically, and that's sad.
And sometimes I still can't believe all this is happening. It's just crazy. I am getting divorced. My wife is living with another man (I use the term "man" very loosely). I will never get it. Even after I move on, and get involved with someone else. Anyway...
Thanks for letting me vent!
Re: Angry Again abandoned1: We are in a "no-fault" state. Adultery/fault does not matter. The only grounds are 6mo.-1year of "mutual and voluntary" separation. I just don't understand why I have to wait this long to rid myself of this mess. If there is no chance at reconciliation - then what's the wait for??? I really wish we'd have done the "Vegas" thing and got married there, then I'd be done with this mess.
Change, thanks, I know you're right, it's all just a matter of time. And yes, I will keep my chin up, and eventually find peace of mind.
Re: Angry Again Fendann: No-fault states usually have grounds for "irreconcilable differences", though...
