To you A.. fly: Dear A,
Today I almost sent you an IM on aol. I typed it all out and then I closed it. I wanted to wish you good luck on your intereview today. I wanted to tell you that I know you are going to do wonderful and that you will be so successful. I didn't send it.
Then, on my way to work, I almost sent you a text message today saying the same thing. I didn't. It has been just over a month from our anniversary when I talked to you on the phone for 5 hours about nothing and everything.
Even though you hurt me, belittled me, pushed me, abused me, and killed a part of the women I was figuratively, I still love you today. Today is a hard day.
I told you the last time we talked, I wonder if we would have stayed friends would we have been better off. I wonder about this often. The time when we were the best together were when we were friends. Those first couple of years. Was it the adulthood that changed you? Was it the commitment to me for the rest of your life? I dunno.
But I miss your belly laugh today, and watching movies together and laughing. I miss supporting your dreams today. I know them so well. I know you are looking to save the world. I wish you could have wanted to save the marriage that much.
I love you so much today A that it is tearing my soul apart and shredding it into pieces. I wish that I could pick up the phone and just talk. But it would only make the pain even worse, and I know this.
Logic will dicate my actions today. Emotions will allow me to cry tonight. And when I wake up tommorow, I will continue to learn to love myself, I will continue to honor my life, and I will continue to let go of the pain that the last 9 years accumlated.
Damn, but today.. today I miss everything about you, even the way you smelled.
May life bring you joy
May your dreams be fullfilled
May you learn how to dare to dream big
May you heal and be whole again
Love you and cherish you in my heart.
C
Re: To you A.. So_Lost: Aww... This made me Misty.. :'(
Re: To you A.. fly: Me too. Me too.
And he hates me. I know this. I think about the hatred that spewed from his mouth when we talked. He doesn't know me, I am worthless and everything was a lie. I will never been good enough.
You think playing those words in my head would make me realize that I don't want to talk to him.
Nope. I just want to hear his laugh and talk about what he has been doing. I wanna know about where his dreams are leading him. How is he healing today? Has he had the courage to start to let go of the anger? Does he still hate me today at much as he hated me a month ago?
I just miss him. How am I ever going to get through work today. I still have almost 8 hours left of work and I am so miserable.
I work at a job I have to be happy and motivate people all day. I have to find a smile and it is going to drain me completely. So, by the time i get home tonight, I am going to be drained phyically, emotionally and spirtually.
Re: To you A.. So_Lost: Im so sorry Fly... I wish I could help you :(
Re: To you A.. fly: I have faith so lost that today is just another day on my journey and even though today is a low one, I know that brighter days are ahead.
So, I think of it as a journey. can't let go of the pain and hurt if I don't feel it.
I keep that in perpective during the hardest time. But thank you so much for your kind words.
Click More for the next page.
