Re: To you A.. fly: Dear A,
So it's the end of my night. I stuggled so long and hard today and you will never know. I held my tears in today at work. I was proud. So many times I couldn't do that. In the first few months after I left, I would break down at my desk and thankfully a peer would help me and listen to me.
Today, even though I wanted to break into pieces again. I spent the day reassuring myself that I am okay. It is okay to love myself, and it is okay to miss you. I told myself I am normal, no matter how many times you told met I was a crazy B*tch. I believed in myself today even when it was hard.
I am proud of me today. That doesn't mean I don't miss you, because I do. That doesn't mean that I don't love you because I do.
It just means, I made it today without you and can still see that I have worth as a person and women.
C
Re: To you A.. fly: Dear A
In the quiet moments of my day, I think to myself, do you miss me? do you think of me often? I think of you often and miss you. I wish we would have worked.
Someone said something to me today that had the rements of you in it. I almost broke down and cried. This person is my friend. Words are like knives to me now. I think everyone will use them to hurt me like you did. Even when someone is joking and I am suppose to laugh, I cry. I wish that would stop. I can't blame you completely. I allowed you to control my emotions and I wound up here. I allowed you to break me down. I allowed you to let me believe them.
Even with that being said, I miss you. Even though I know you are bad for me, I love you. Even though I know that what we had never should have been, I long for it. Even though I know that I am growing, I want to go backwards.
It's funny, the only part of my life that even makes sense to me anymore is work. You said I didn't deserve my promotion. Funny, I am doing so well at it. I am impressing my bosses and I am showing people I can lead and they all say it comes naturally to me. You never really did know me, but blamed that on me. Do you think you just saw what you wanted me to be for you and not who I am .
I dunno, I just love you A.
I love you and miss you
I am depressed today and wish I could hear you laugh.
But I know that this will pass.
I did not call you
I am not going to let go of the progress I made.
I am pretty ( I will remember what people have told me since you)
I love myself
I love that I can rediscover me
I love that I am a strong women
I love that the lesson I learned make me stronger
I love that I know life is a journey and I am up for it
I love that tommorow is just around the corner
I love that I am me.
Those things, even in missing me are strong.
C
