Re: Paronia or Reality - your mate checking out others. Your thoughts, please. airtree: Hey:
This must be so hard for you. I went through the same with my wife. I did the same thing as you do - look away.
Do not just ignore this. If it does not go away, your feelings will get worse about it. If this is something that bothers you, he should care enough to stop it. He may have a problem with this that no one may know about except him. If trust is an issue he will need to earn it and work hard to confirm it.
I hope you can find the words to work this out with him. If he is not willing or sincere then it is his loss if that what ends up happening.
What you are experiencing is reality. You are not paranoid. What you are asking of him with this issue is not too much of an expectation for anyone wanting to be in an exclusive relationship.
Re: Paronia or Reality - your mate checking out others. Your thoughts, please. hr: I think it is natural to look. Your insecurity on this subject is going to create problems in your relationship. Please try to understand that this is normal unless he has given you reason to supect otherwise.
As far as the porn goes some people like to look at it. I used to freak out when I looked at my husbands computer and found that he was looking at it. I mentioned my frustrations to a few of my friends and was completely surprised that their husbands ocassionally look at it to. I think if we push so mush that the other person will start to hide things and it causes a downward spiral of no trust.
Re: Paronia or Reality - your mate checking out others. Your thoughts, please. Spike: Try discussing the woman he looks at with him. Say something like, "she was cute" A guilt mind will immediately deny looking, a gentleman, like me, will say "I was just comparing her to your beauty, she lost" Now, because you have already had words about this, he may feel guilty just for looking, but if you start making a game of it, it may ease his tension and your fear. Say something about the way she is dressed, or how she presents herself. Just a suggestion. I've always looked, I enjoy the sight of a beautiful woman, my ex used to say I had good taste at least. I never cheated, she did.
Re: Paronia or Reality - your mate checking out others. Your thoughts, please. snkpack: It doesn't bother me. If you can, I say let is slide. Looking and fantasizing do not equal infidelity.
Re: Paronia or Reality - your mate checking out others. Your thoughts, please. DarrenB: [quote author=changeisgood link=topic=34560.msg360719#msg360719 date=1158095308">
I think it is natural to look. Your insecurity on this subject is going to create problems in your relationship. Please try to understand that this is normal unless he has given you reason to supect otherwise.
As far as the porn goes some people like to look at it. I used to freak out when I looked at my husbands computer and found that he was looking at it. I mentioned my frustrations to a few of my friends and was completely surprised that their husbands ocassionally look at it to. I think if we push so mush that the other person will start to hide things and it causes a downward spiral of no trust.
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All good points. it's paranoia. Don't strangle the guy just for being a guy. It is mostly your insecurities here that you have to worry about. If he feels like mommy is watching everything he does and that he cant be trusted(due to your previous issues) the relationship will be doomed.
Granted this is providing that your bf does not go about these things in a disrespectful way as chaotic has mentioned.
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