Re: Paronia or Reality - your mate checking out others. Your thoughts, please. alonewith2: I don't think there's anything wrong with a little porn on his computer. He's gonna masturbate regardless of your sex life. It's only natural. Maybe he needs a little help to reach his climax. Unless he has 100's of porn downloaded, etc, then I wouldn't concern myself too much with this.
I used to think the same way about the porn. I remember catching my stbx masturbating to porn the first time. I was hurt that he would need such things when he had me. But now that I've started masturbating myself, I understand it completely! ;)
I will agree with the outright checking out of other women in your presence. I know that there are women out there who get overly jealous at the slightest hint of their "man" checking out another woman, and sometimes that jealousy can be taken too far. But that's not what I'm referring to. There is such a thing as a quick look around the room and just taking the scene in versus a prolonged ogling session. It's just plain rude and disrepectful. Sure, I might notice when a man looks hot in passing, but I wouldn't give him any extra time, second glances, etc than I would anyone else. It would just be a quick thought that passes through my head.
Re: Paronia or Reality - your mate checking out others. Your thoughts, please. Kinn: Just my two cents. People are going to look. It is just human nature. Now what you do after that is the main thing. I love my girlfiend very much and even though I look it ends there. I would never do anything to her. I am looking superficially, not anything else. I look, turn my head and go about my business. I don't want anything to do with that person, I'm just a guy. Now there is the other way which is wrong. When you are looking and planning. When you would do something with that person if given the chance. That is wrong. Those are the people you don't need to be with. My girlfriend may look too and we can joke about it. We know we want each other and we are safe. There was a time when I was super insecure and that lead to my divorce, but now I am just more open. More relaxed. When you start to be insecure and controlling is when the bad things start a lot of the time. As long as it is innocent than it's not a big deal in my mind. Same thing with her. There is a big difference for me between he has a nice butt and I would love to get into his pants. Also, I very much believe getting cheated on will effect the way you think about this. Just remember, your new boyfriend is not the one that cheated. Don't take out on him what other people did. I know it's easier said than done, but he didn't do anything to you. ok, I'll stop my rambling now.
Re: Paronia or Reality - your mate checking out others. Your thoughts, please. katelyn: Okay, we all agree there is nothing wrong with noticing that someone is a) good looking or b) not good looking. I mean we all have EYES.
The problem that CB is speaking of, and that I agreed with her about - was the OGGLING. Her boyfriend is looking 9 or 10 times at the same person. Not just a nonchalant glance. Sorry, but if my man were to have that hard of a time keeping his eyes on me, I would feel insecure. I think that's normal. It's a slap in your face - here you spend an hour and a half primping to go out so you look good for him and he's sitting there with his eyes on everyone else. I'm not saying my bf does this, he is actually very respectful. But I can put myself in CB's shoes if that was going on, it would hurt me. It's inappropriate and rude.
As far as the porn issue, obviously every woman has their own guage of how much it bothers them. My ex had a huge addiction problem thus I am super sensitive about it. And I just don't see how anyone can condone it really, but I realize that is my personal opinion and nothing more. In any case, being that it's my personal conviction - whoever I'm with will respect that or there will be problems. Plain and simple. Sounds like CB has a problem with it as well, and whoever she's with will have to respect that. More power to you girls who don't care - I guess your dude is lucky. But there will be other things you have convictions about that I may not, and my dude is lucky he doesn't have to deal with them. It's all a give and take, and bending for each other's different hang ups. Compromise.
Re: Paronia or Reality - your mate checking out others. Your thoughts, please. Kinn: I didn't read the entire thing I'll be honest but read the question at hand. Reading Katelyn's response I agree very much. oogling is bad. Make your look and move on. Porn in moderation I think is fine, especially together can be fun. Addiction means far deeper problems. If my lady dresses up all nice for me I make sure she knows I notice. It all comes down to what will you put up with? If you put up with it nothing will change. Why should it? If you want it to change there has to be real consequences if it doesn't. If talking doesn't help you have to figure out what you will do next. I think everyone has the right to feel more special to their significant other that the people around you. If you don't than you need to take action if it is that serious.
Re: Paronia or Reality - your mate checking out others. Your thoughts, please. katelyn: [quote author=Harold link=topic=34561.msg361658#msg361658 date=1158182743">
The big difference is that most men don't consider every glance at anyone or anything to be something of a sexual nature [/quote">
I think the problem, with me anyway, is that I've heard too many men say things such as "I'd hit that." or "I'd like a piece of that ass." or "GD - Look at that, I'd like for her to *insert obscenity*" and "Scha-wing! (referencing their boner)" at the sight of a hot lady.
The natural assumption for me then, is that sexual feelings are indeed happening when someone catches your eye. If this is not the case, then I have no problem you noticing a beautiful woman. She's beautiful! I notice beautiful women. I do have a problem with any man who loves me having sexual feelings/thoughts/fantasies as stated above while looking at a beautiful woman. To me, that's betrayal in your heart. You may not have physically betrayed, but it's a seed. It makes me afraid you might want to and eventually will.
Anyway, end of rant.
