Do they hurt too? gabefredrick: I seem to hear a lot in these postings of people's disbelief over the fact that the people that left them don't seem to have any regret, that they don't morn, or that they don't seem to care about all the feelings they just left behind. The people who leave seem to skip off in bliss with another someone, never looking back. This idea of the "other"person just replacing one love with another simply adds to the pain, humiliation and confusion of being left. I guess my question is to those people who know the truth about their ex's new love and to those who have left someone; what goes on in the mind of someone who leaves and immediately vaults into another, seemingly blissful, relationship?
I ask this not because I am wishing my ex feel the pain that I do, but rather to feel like there is some shared loss when love ends.
Re: Do they hurt too? TarheelMike: The wonderful "man" that my ex-wife left me for...? They broke up in under a year. Wild how things went downhill for them after I kicked her out of MY place and forced her to live with him (and his parents).
After they broke up, and I wouldn't have her back, she moved back home to Pennsylvania to "find herself." Well, she found herself in another guy's bed within about four months, and moved 2000 miles away to Key West less than four months after that.
And now, four months since she moved there, she's miserable again. She claims to have all this regret, and deep down, I DO think she knows she messed up BAD. But she doesn't have the emotional maturity to handle it in a constructive way. Therefore, she's doomed until she grows the hell up.
Re: Do they hurt too? Feel: With my relationship I think that he dose hurt but then I wonder...
If he hurt wouldn't he be more sympathetic to what he has done... cause he really isn't at times and sometimes when he is being nice which I also have a hard time beleiving that, does he really hurt... My opinon, he knows he fucked up but I think when he acts like he is hurting it's more for the guilt and the fact that he has something up his sleeve!
Re: Do they hurt too? sosad05: I was the "leaver". However, I did not leave for someone else. I did not enter into another relationship until a few months after. In fact, my xh-the leavee-jumped into a relationship before I did, moved her in immediately, and married for 3 days after he legally could. So, maybe we're not the typical "left for someone else" situation.
But, from the leaver perspective...did I hurt? HELL YES!! Why do you think I am on OJAR nearly 2 years after I left. I had to leave my situation. I tried everything under the sun to make the marriage work. However, I failed miserably at communicating with him. I realize that now by reading so many posts of leavees. So many leavees are floored that there spouse left...mine claims he was too.
I am in a new relationship now but the sadness that our marriage failed will never go away. It still hurts to see him...not because I want to be with him but because of the failed dream. We were together since high school and I thought he was my soul mate.
From his perspective, I left, got into a new relationship a few months after, and never looked back. When in reality, I looked back many times in sadness. I layed on my floor bawling my eyes out over him a million times since I left. I sobbed and screamed his name just wishing I could erase the last 10 years and start over from scratch.
I dont think I am the typical leaver though.
Re: Do they hurt too? fly: Sosa
I too am the leaver. I had to leave my situation. I tried everything I could. I did everything in me that I could. And I hurt. I have horrible days where all I can think about is the failure of the marriage and our dreams together. I pray that the pain of the 9 years go away.
He says to me that I was fake and that he never knew me. He looks at me now thinking that I just wanted to find someone new.
He doesn't know that I cry my heart out and fight demons our the failure of our marriage. He doesn't see me praying for the pain to be lifted from my heart.
He only sees that I left, and so since I left I have no pain
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